How’s the Food Taste?

I avoided the clock. I stared and concentrated on the tissue box. The alluring manner in which the colors faded from the focal point; The hue made lighter and softer in a continual swirling pattern, as if the designer extracted an airbrush paint gun with delicate precision from the canvas. I did the same, with different items fixated upon each hour I visited Dr. Dummkopf. That is not his birth name, but in German it has the childish direct translation of stupidhead. I loved the gleefulness felt pretending youth again, a distracting from the ever present hate. Plus, it suited his simple mind of preconceptions.

I never determined which was worse, remaining with my children’s mother, the court proceedings or putting up with him; A fool with the power to influence the court’s rulings. It was so frustrating.

“We must rectify the justice system. Society is sexist, and it overlooks the sacrifices of fathers. And, the aftermath of tortures brought on by the sexual prejudice which Judges uphold is atrocious. Not to mention, the court’s steadfast stance of women being born more suitable for raising children, not only is it laughable but it’s downright criminal!” I stated with a sigh once he, at last paused his relentless droning.

On the chaise, I wondered… had I managed changing the “duh” self forehead slap to a nonchalant fixing of the part in my hair in time? How well did I cover up the disdain by showing no emotion? I was such a nitwit, catering to Dr. Swiss Cheese Brain, feeding his fancy to misconstrue. In his opinion, nothing I said was straight forward serious conversation, it invariably had a subconscious inclination.

Wishing I had a knife named Freudian to slip across my throat, I heard him start. “So, you’re still angry things aren’t going to your liking in Family Court?”

He missed every valid point, diving in with the emotional judgment again. Typical! Dr. Head Up His Arse as expected, vaulted the perceived problem with his misguided perception that individuals depend on aid with their emotions. It was the sole reason for his field of study. Otherwise, why be in therapy? Could it be because of a one sided slanderous custody battle? Nah, a woman never lies to keep possession of their babies. Instead in ignorance he provoked. It never occurred to him, I went solely to prove I was not maladjusted, violent nor encumbered with mental issues as that malicious lawyer of my ex-girlfriend proclaimed.

I laid there fuming inside, my blood pressure off the charts. Maladjusted?! Violent?! Mental issues?! Were my ex, her counselor and DR. Ignoramus not to this day alive and healthy? Had I hurt them in any fashion? Was I any of those accusations, they would be dead.

The first and only attempt to distract my brain was foolhardy. I imagined living in a world where energy was visible to the naked eye and my unfathomable animosity radiated bright as magnesium burning. Definitely not a Zen state, it did diddly-squat to staunch the core fires from consuming. Six weeks, and we were getting nowhere! They cemented my kids with that lying manipulative cunt and this… this… indescribable asshole, wanted to scrutinize the depths of my anger. Too idiotic to realize he was fuelling it, re-fuelling and even over fuelling it. Only to leave the appointment, return to the next and have the cycle restart. FUUUUUUCK!!! Reverberated in my skull while I predicted my forehead turning into a five-head by ripping out my hair.

Hey, guess what, I know I’m angry, I know why I’m angry, I found the bottom of my chasm of loathing, no necessity to explore it Dr. Dumbass! Why not, stop and listen to the actual problems?!

If I thought it assured a change to future events, I would explain to him not a single person considers it; shrewd nor fruitful to trigger your patients envisioning your head so far up your ass you ought to taste food normal.