I lay, on my back, crushed by the weight of a man, a lover supposedly. I stare at the ceiling, off white and cracked, black mould grows around the edges. I want a smoke, a shower, I want to be left alone. I pity him really, he wants so badly to reach me but there's nothing left to reach. After a while I shove him away from me, tell him to piss off. He leaves without a word, small mercys. I think I am crying but it could just be sweat. I am alone again, I wish I wasn't. A lonesome soilder against the invisible menaces of this room, visions from the past swarm about me. Promiscuity can exhange them for emptiness, I am not sure which I prefer. I smoke, I fill my head with green mist, I am comfortably numbed. I fall asleep, to face the same torments another day.