Disarray

Despair, to which I have had the fortune of becoming well acquainted. Is it because of what I did to you? No, there is something much bigger at play here. It may be my cosmic destiny, as some would put it, to continuously be let down by love. Be it, at my own hand or the hand of others. Is it some sort of joke? No, I think it is just the yarn I have been given the opportunity to spin. At least my sunny disposition evokes some sort of happiness out of the gloomy situations my heart is continuously put through. May I at least find you again? Probably not...see, since your departure I have found only sarcasm at play in my day to day dealings of love. Situations that implement me as you, but in some sort of sick twisted way I believe this is the payback deemed fit. Due to what I had gone through in our lovely little chapter now held with regret, scorn, hatred, confusion, and complete disarray. Leave it be, as all things that were...will be...and all things had, have been. Point being, here I am at the doorstep of a situation profoundly similar to that which I find myself in quite frequently now a days. I have been blessed with the company of a broken heart once more. A broken heart tailor made to fit oh so perfectly within the vacant spaces of mine. Alas, said broken heart will presumptuously find no comfort in it’s ignorance towards true love or at least be so overcome with pain that it will fail to notice the arms patiently awaiting it’s recognition. It may also completely disregard said open arms, because comfort from anything besides the comfort found in solitude is amiss in this particular moment of recovery. Maybe, said broken heart will never find comfort again! Be that as it may, why in God’s name must I be put through such a laborious task again. I have been doomed to loneliness, because whenever the hopes of company are found they are quickly misplaced in the discovery of another patron amidst the commodity of heartbreak. It seems that I may never find love again, only those who have recently lost love accompany me. Those not willing to embark on a new adventure of love, but those who choose to take the same path as I. The path of loneliness, regret, and pity bestowed upon us by the memory’s of love lost. A sobering yet disorienting blow I have been dealt, as I find what I think is a new beginning..I am suddenly knocked on my butt by the same situation I found myself in the moment I lost you. Love, I think not! Surely a distant cousin of hate though, begotten by the lone mistake I so foolishly made with you. Here I will remain for eternity, stuck in the cosmic loop of “haha you thought it was love ya dummy, turns out to be a reminder of what ya lost stupid”. Endless amounts of my affection given with no return, love thrown to someone who chooses to remain empty handed. Thank god for what some call a “sunny disposition”, because without it..the only realistic option would be death. Once forsaken, a love like ours will take lifetimes before it finds its way back to a shared doorstep. Which makes me wonder why such love doesn’t come with any warning labels or beware signs that make you think twice before being so quick to just blatantly cast it away.

@TorNesorNerob