Angel In Disguise

At some point everyone struggles. At some point everyone feels alone. They feel this whether it is true or not. Life is hard. Some people use different techniques or beliefs to stay on their feet, but others face the torrential downpours that the world has to offer and they begin to stumble and fall. I am one of those people. I find myself struggling to stay afloat in the murky waters of the world. What is right? What is wrong? Am I right? Am I wrong? What is the point? I ask myself this a lot. In fact, it makes it very hard to want to continue with anything because of these thoughts that strike me at my very core. I've quit a lot of things. I've quit ballet, tap dance, martial arts, soccer, softball, and so much more. Life sometimes appear hopeless to me and I begin to think about...other options. This was a recurring thought for me when I went to an annual girl's church camp.

Near the campsite is a beautiful church building and historical site. The church building glows at night, lighting up the sky, acting as a beacon of light and hope. My friend, Manhattan took me and several other girls down to see the building light up. We got there only to be met with a pitch black darkness. The building was not lit up for the night. My friend said a few words about her beliefs of the church and offered for the girls to stay and ponder their thoughts and feelings despite the fact that the building had not glowed that night. Most of the girls stayed for a good two minutes. I stayed a bit longer.

I felt tears slip down my face as I said a silent prayer. By the way, I know that some do not believe in prayer or God, but that is not the main point of this. Anyways, as I said this prayer, I confessed my feelings. I had been feeling very confused with my emotions. At times they were strong, sometimes for what seemed to be no good reason. Other times, my emotions would appear to be nonexistent. I would either be filled with the most horrible emotions or I would be filled with an emptiness that would eat me up inside. At the time that I was saying my prayer I felt hopeless, confused, and as if I was not worth much. I wasn't good at anything and I could never make anyone happy. So, I prayed for someone at camp to be my angel for the week. I prayed for someone to help me know that I was not worthless or alone. After saying this prayer I made my way back to my campsite and laid down, hoping for a friend.

The next day passed by relatively quickly. It was the last full day of camp. The next day we would pack our stuff up and drive on out. I felt upset. No one had stood out to me as some kind of angel. My prayer had not been answered. Then, that night we had a meeting with a group of girls from our home ward with our bishop. Some girls from my ward stood and gave a few thoughts. I thought about saying a few things but I didn't feel that anything I had to say would be valued by anyone and so I kept my mouth shut. Then one of my friends who doesn't come to church very often stood up. She was crying. It was unbelievable. This girl rarely ever acted sad or even mad. She was very good at acting annoyed though.

"I just wanted to say that I wasn't going to come to camp this year. I wanted to but cheer camp got in the way and so I wasn't going to be able to come. I figured that no one would want me to come anyway. Then a few weeks ago during our yard sale fundraiser, I was working with Amber, (me), and she told me that she wanted me to come to camp. I was struggling with feeling wanted and feeling as though I belonged and yet here this girl was, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. I wasn't going to say anything except that only Amber and myself knew what happened and I wanted other people to know about it," and with that my friend sat down. I wasn't sure if anyone could tell because of how dark it had become, but I was sitting on my stool, tears slipping down my face. I was crying so hard, shaking practically. One though was going through my head. I did something good; something right.

We said a prayer to close out the night and right away, my friend stood up and came over to me and we hugged each other. That was another thing I had needed that week. I had been desperate for a hug, but too afraid and ashamed to ask for one. My friend gave me the best hug I could ask for. It wasn't nice because of how hard she squeezed, but because of the passion she used as she wrapped her arms around me as we both cried into each other's shoulders. She was my angel. She was the answer to my prayers. This girl was the one who made me feel as though I was wanted. I was needed!

Angels do exist everywhere. When you need that little bit of comfort or even just a hug, there are people out there. These people can be anyone. They can be friends, family, coworkers, boyfriends, girlfriends, and so on. They don't always know it and we don't always recognize it, but they are there. Everyone has that angel waiting for them in disguise.