Tickets to Ethar, Dimension AKDSJ-189

Climate change, political tension, and other world problems bringing you down? Wish you didn't live in such a nerve-racking and generally concerning time and place?

Well, if you're like the already 73% of the population that has already gotten tickets, Ethar is the planet for you!

In case you've been living under a rock recently, quantum mechanics over at the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) beneath the France-Switzerland border have successfully opened up a stable black hole that leads to Dimension AKDSJ-189, a direct parallel of our Earth.

So what's so great about this Rabbit Hole? Well, unlike the current state of our world, Ethar (the opposite of our world) is quite the Wonderland!

Having already created colonizations on Arsm (their version of Mars) and Ulan (their Moon), Ethar holds a steady population of over 10 billion Anti-Humans, and still has room for us! They've prevented all forms of climate change by using only renewable energy and recycling all waste, secured world peace between all of their nations, demonstrated perfect examples of every governmental system (including Communism!) and have shown a history of being, well, a Utopia.

Anti-Human citizens look just like us, save for their unusually sharp teeth. But don't be scared off by this! Scientists presume that this is because of how, logically speaking, most of their world is the direct opposite of ours. In fact, the Antis actually have entirely vegetarian diets and do not own any animals, having coexisted with the natural world instead of dominated it. Along with this, it should be noted that they speak in languages that are anagrams (mixed-up versions) of our own, which might take some time to learn for us Earth-dwellers. On Ethar, ever day is opposite day!

Still not convinced? It's a lot to take in, we know. But prices for a one-way move to Ethar are extremely cheap and going fast, so decide quickly! The tickets won't cover housing in the other side of the portal, but, due to lack of inflation, Earth currency has been found to be worth hundreds of times more in Ethar cash!

For more information and special family and financial coverage deals, please contact your local Anti-Human ambassador and buy tickets off of CERN's website or at the LHC.

Tickets will cover one individual's plane trip to Geneva and one Interdimensional Transportation suit. Short term side effects of IDT may include: nausea, vomiting, disorientation, seizures, whiplash, and possibly death. Please talk to your doctor or those at the LHC if you suffer from epilepsy, heart attacks, or other medical conditions before scheduling your trip.

Advertisements such at the one above were broadcasted in fifty different languages, across over 150 countries. Within a few weeks, 95% of the eight billion Earth citizens had planned out a permanant move to this new dimension, greeted by their Anti counterparts with open arms. The less than 5% of the world, mostly the criminals or the dirt-poor untouchables of society, were left alone as every governmental leader and person in a position of power would also leave.

It turned out that staying would have been the best option.

I was lucky to have escaped.

At first, all was well.

The Anti-Humans, surprisingly calm and collected about their population nearly doubling, moved us into their own tree-based homes and taught us their ways.

However, some people just couldn't let go of their old lives on Earth: Humans elected into the government soon became corrupt, terrorist attacks happened, corporations began abusing their power over the people and nature, chaos ensued.

The Antis didn't stop us.

Things began reflecting the worst of Earth again: Cultural genocides, mass economic depressions and poverty, war.

Still, they sat back and watched their own people die.

Maybe they were just like us in that way.

I decided it was time to move out when the United States of Aceamir went into a civil war, divided over (you guessed it) the right to own Antis as slaves.

Just a few days before the move, as I took a plane to Evenag (Anti-Geneva), they finally snapped.

A broadcast went out in a hundred different languages, across over 150 tense nations. It called all eighteen billions citizens, Human and Anti, to New Kyor (specifically, the government leaders to the UN meeting room, but 95% of the population showed up anyway).

In hindsight, being the 5% this time was one of the best decisions I've ever made while in Ethar (and not dating an Anti, but that reason would've been the same after what happened).

I watched the livestream of the meeting from a waiting room at the HCL.

They spoke for hours about Ethar's new issues because of us, but I only paid attention to the last part:

"We gave all eight billion of your people homes, food, hospitality... and this is how you repay us?" The Anti-POTUS spoke evenly, but his needle-point teeth were bared. "It's truly a shame that, even if you had treated us well, we would have still done the Feast."

"The Feast?" A Human ambassador asked. Several other representatives from our side murmured nervously.

The Anti-Queen of Ganlend laughed. "Why do you all think we have these sharp teeth, and have been so successful as a species?" Her own ancient snappers glinted. "Unfortunately, we can't let any of you leave. As Queen, I now give my authority to begin the Feast!"

Several other Anti-Leaders added in their commencements, and the Human leaders started going for the doors. They were locked, of course.

The livestream was cut off when an Anti-ambassador sank his teeth into the cameraman's leg, after the POTUS was devoured whole and several dictators were diced.

I had to blink a few times to remind myself that that hadn't been a horror movie I was watching. And that there were some Antis still in the same building as me.

"The Feast! The Feast!" They chanted, moving in on the line to the portal.

I looked down at my small baggage, knowing that I was just some college student who had nothing to fight with and turn off the portal before they got to it.

Nothing to win, yet nothing to lose.

I looked around. The other folks in the waiting room had panicked and ran out the door, but I knew that they wouldn't get far. The portal was behind thick, glass walls as to prevent people without IDT suits from contacting radiation, but the Antis were attacking those who had been suiting up to enter. A control room was to the left of it, right across from the waiting room I was in.

I could kill two birds with one stone.

As the Anti-guards were finishing the last of their meal, I ran to the controls. They didn't even realize I was there until I had tried about twenty different buttons, finally finding the one that would close the black hole.

"Warning, black hole destabillizing." Flashing yellow lights went up around the building.

Only one Anti (the others maybe checking other parts of the building for Humans) barged in and caught sight of me.

"Oops." I shrugged. "Could you... help me undo this?"

I would later learn that the Antis wouldn't know how to open the black hole back up once it closed, only waiting for other Dimensional inhabitants to open up to them. (I guess that's the only thing we got right as a species.)

He decided that keeping the portal open was more important than eating me (a smarter choice for him), quickly stumbling to the controls and clicking at random buttons.

I went back to where the suits were hanging up, grabbing one with the least bodily fluids on it that fit me. About two minutes of stressfully zipping and velcroing later, and the portal still wasn't quite stable, but I didn't want to take my chances with the Anti. At that moment, I would have rather been transported to a completely new Dimension than deal with this.

I was one of the few people who had experienced IDT twice: colors blending into sounds, rollercoaster-like vertigo, the whole shebang.

Luckily, I didn't need to use the suit's built-in barf bag. Even more luckily, I landed in the right reality, just as the portal was being closed on Earth's end.

The CERN workers (or, people who took their places), a hardy group in bloodied lab coats, carrying various improvised weapons, immediately took my helmet off to check my dental hygiene.

"Human," one of them called to another band of maybe-scientists.

"Is it completely closed?" I asked once my tunnel vision went away.

"Sure hope it is," another, an older woman in an orange jumpsuit, said.

"And... no other Antis got through?"

"Jaws? Nope. Only you."

"So... what now?"

"We've gotta rebuild, obviously, and remember Dimension whatever-189 as an off-limits area, if we try IDT again... it's already cost so many lives..."

Another voice cut in. "And that's why you don't trust travel scams to meet your evil twin!"