Why Write?

While everyone may not want to be a spiritual author like myself, many of the things I have gone through are similar to those of us that grew up in this time period. It is the insights I have found–not on the top of a mountain or in a sacred monastery–but in the heart of our civilization that I desire to share with the world.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a spiritual author. For too long I’ve thought that if it was meant to happen, it would happen on its own accord without me actually putting any real effort into it. I had hoped a publishing deal would basically fall into my lap. Perhaps this is the case for some aspiring authors who are well connected, but unfortunately, my uncle is not Deepak Chopra.

Surprisingly, although I spent a lot of time waiting for the book inside of me to be miraculously published, I’ve unknowingly been on a track leading me towards the fulfillment of my dream. It is only by looking back in hindsight that I can see this now–at the time it felt like I was totally lost. Now I am beginning to see the gradual steps I must take in order to actualize the life I desire. Although sometimes I wish I would just win the lottery and have my life completely altered, I can see that would leave me utterly unprepared for the life I have planned. So, what are my qualifications for writing a book, and why do I think my life has been taking me down this path?

I have immersed myself in a very “normal” culture while always feeling there was something more I was missing. These spiritual inclinations have been with me for as long as I have memories. I’ve always wanted to know how the Universe began. I would say that was the beginning of my metaphysical search. My inquisitiveness didn’t stop there, however, as I’ve always been curious to learn about everything life has to offer (both seen and unseen).

A poignant example of me learning to think for myself was when I was told by my mother that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Both my sister and I were seated on the couch at the time. She stormed out of the room, accusing my mom of lying to us. I sat there for a moment, and the first question I asked her was: “Does this mean there is no Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, or anything else?” For some reason I didn’t think to question God at the time–that wasn’t until a few years later.

Around the 6th grade, I started to lose faith in God and started to believe in Science (with a capital “S”). Perhaps not coincidentally, this was the time I stopped going to Catholic school. All through the rest of middle school and high school I became more of an atheist. I would vehemently debate religious people, and looked down on them as superstitious and simple minded. I still deeply desired to know how the Universe began, but I thought science had all the answers.

Once out of high school, I joined the military because didn’t really know anymore what I wanted to do. This is when I really began studying for myself. I started voraciously reading books on everything.

While in school I had no real desire to learn, because it was being imposed on me. Once out, however, I realized how much fun it was to learn!

This is when along with reading a myriad of different genres of books, I also started to study a little quantum mechanics and particle physics to better understand how matter was created. I searched and searched through science books, but was never satisfied. All during this time, I was meeting new and interesting people in the military that were broadening my mind. I found myself studying philosophy and religion more. Coming from a Christian background, I initially began only studying that.

I genuinely wanted to believe in God again, but couldn’t find anything that resonated with me about traditional Christianity. Somehow the idea of a God outside ourselves that judges us, and only allows Heaven to a select few based on having blind faith never appealed to me. My mind was constantly racing all the time though, and I was generally angry inside, although I tried to hide it from the world. This is when I found meditation in a book and decided to try it out for myself.

Meditation exposed me to Buddhism, which immediately appealed to me. With this opening into religious studies, I began to think other religions might have something to offer as well. Initially, I began with more of the Easter religions, but I gradually made my way back to also study my Abrahamic roots.

While still in the military, I was stationed in the Middle East. During this time, I was able to interact with many of the local people. I started to see they were just like us (Americans) and I didn’t see why we were at war with them. I wanted to learn more about their religion, Islam, to see if that was the basis of the hatred. But the more I learned about Islam, the more I saw the similarities with Christianity.

During my entire search, there is one fundamental reason I actually get anything of value from my scholarly pursuits:

I look for the underlying similarities between religions, not their surface differences. It is easy to see minor cultural discrepancies between each religion, but there are threads of Truth that run between them. Especially in the mystical traditions, where God (or whatever name you want to call It) must be experienced for oneself, and less emphasis is put on what you outwardly profess to believe.

While still stationed in the Middle East, I also took my first sojourn. I backpacked through Thailand by myself for 3 weeks. This was the first time I experienced life so deeply, and I began to really understand what it is like to genuinely experience life. It was a spiritual experience for me, just breaking my daily routine and exploring a foreign country with no itinerary. Since Thailand, I’ve done much more traveling, usually for less of a duration though–with one exception–I vagabonded across South America for 3 months solo. I went through Chile, Bolivia, and Peru. While on these trips I met some extraordinary people, and had some exciting experiences.

When I was getting ready to leave the military, I realized I was vehemently against war, and I wanted to take a stand. Since I enjoyed writing and researching, I thought I would make a good journalist. My plan was to become a foreign war correspondent, and report on the realities of war. This was in 2007, however, and there were still a number of journalism jobs out there. Since that fateful decision to major in journalism in college, the entire profession has been thrown into shambles. In fact, while I was attending university, my school canceled the journalism program I was enrolled in, and completely altered it for a new media. I was allowed to finish, but I felt defeated considering my degree was going to be basically worthless (in a dying profession).

I began to lose interest in journalism, and I started taking a lot of elective classes. Religious studies and philosophy were at the top of my list. I was excited to go to school and learn each day, and I took my learning seriously; especially compared to the students that came straight from high school to college. Because I had no real interest in journalism any longer, I ended up using all of my GI Bill without fulfilling my requirements for my major in order to graduate. To this day, I have enough credits for a Bachelor’s degree, but am a few prerequisite classes short of actually obtaining a degree.

Phew…that’s a long post. Thanks for making it this far! I will conclude this story in the next blog, “Why Finally Write?”