Breathless

Breathless has become a constant state of existence. She hit the ground running when she entered the world, ready for whatever was next to come. Ready to learn, to grow, to know. Feeling like she was always on the edge of the next great thing, she continued pushing forward, hopeful to grasp the prize just past the finish line. But like the horse’s carrot, it remained just out of her reach and left her feeling endlessly breathless.

She was born into a happy home, but before she settled into the love, a storm hit that brought the roof down on their heads and the home was beyond repair. Her father was gone, torn away too soon, and although her mother remained she was unreachable - trapped behind an invisible wall where she couldn’t be touched. She was orphaned, only not in the traditional sense, not in a way understood by watching eyes. And so she dreamt of what was next and found hope in possibilities. She moved forward and forged her own strength, albeit unintentionally.

And she began to run. She ran from the chaos of her childhood and towards the independence of adolescence. When she found the independence to be too isolating, she kept running towards companions. But some companions are not worthy of trust and she didn’t see the warning signs until it was too late, and found herself in a lonelier space than she had started. She ran to start over, find new purpose and find a new tribe. She kept running because standing still meant defeat and that was the only unacceptable choice.

When you run with your mind, there are no external signs of the exertion. No sweat building on your brow and no labored breaths. No joint pain or sore muscles. The effort only impacts internally, challenging the strength of your own mental capabilities until the inevitable snap. The unavoidable breaking point that can’t be undone.

In moments that seem safe and spaces that seem welcoming, she allows herself the room to breath, to soak it in, to feel content. But it’s only a rest stop, a temporary pause before she begins down her mental trail once more. Begins running down the road she has to hope will deliver her to where she’s been headed all along - to home.