The King’s Final Battle
“It does my heart good to see all of you here, “ the king said. He looked out his subjects. Not many remained. The years had been hard on his people.
“We love you, King David!” shouted an elderly woman.
“And I love you as well,” replied the king, “But what good am I? A king without a kingdom. I should throw this crown into the gutter for as much good as it does me now.”
The crowd erupted in anguish. There was much wailing and rending of garments.
“Sire, your kingdom is still there,” said a voice in the king’s year.
The king smiled. “Geoffrey? Is that you?”
“Aye,” Geoffrey replied, “I once promised my sword to you unto death, and I mean to keep that promise. We are but few, but perhaps with the element of surprise, we could take back the throne from that pretender Leonard.” He spat on the ground upon saying Leonard’s name.
“Listen to Geoffrey!” exclaimed a wizened old man.
King David shook his head sadly. “We cannot defeat Leonard, my friend. I am but an old man. What can I do?”
“Sire, you have won so many battles. You can live here with us and die comfortably. Or, we could go into battle one last time, and take back what is rightfully yours.”
“Geoffrey, my friend, Could I possibly lead these people into a war that would almost certainly spell their doom?”
“I say we have no choice. I say better to die than live out our final days in ignominy and obscurity.”
King David looked at his subjects. Yes, they were older and grayer than they once were, but they still had a spirit that could not be broken.
“My friends, “ said King David, “I trust the wise counsel of Geoffrey. Let us prepare for our final battle. It will end either in victory or death. Will you join me?”
The crowd let out a roar. They would follow their king anywhere, even if it meant their doom.
The audience at Lenny’s Rockin’ Roller Derby were enjoying a tussle between Smashed Penny and Susan Beats Anthony when David Steinberg rushed the floor an attempt to challenge the women to a dance off. He was quickly joined by various leisure-suited men and woman clad in hot pants and tube tops, all of them on roller skates
A man in bell-bottoms wearing an enormous gold medallion shaped like a dollar sign put down a boom box and pressed the play button. The crowd of interlopers began trying to skate to the sounds of Kool and the Gang’s “Jungle Boogie”. They were clearly out of practice, and many of them collapsed to the floor.
Except for David Steinberg. David, who had been crowned 1979’s King of the Roller Disco in Lenny’s Skate-o-Rama’s Disco Skate Contest. He was still feeling the funk, so to speak, and was skating rings around everyone else. Even the derby girls looked impressed.
Owner Kimberly O’Malley quickly intervened. After confirming that the assembled group was not a guerilla marketing flash mob advertising erectile dysfunction pills, she explained that she had inherited the roller rink from her late father Leonard and that she bore no ill-will towards King David.
“Are you saying that I can return to my throne? That I can be ruler once again?” King David asked.
“I’ll tell you what,” replied Kimberly, “I don’t know what this is all about, but you can have a Roller Disco night Thursdays after the Burlesque on Wheels show. Just get these people off the floor so we can do the roller derby.”
A loud cheer went up from King David’s subjects. They were still a bunch of 70s burnouts who literally lived at a YMCA, but now they could feel young again. Kimberly thought about asking some questions about what happened between her father and a group of clearly mentally ill disco fanatics, then thought better of it and decided to go back to her office to have a drink of whiskey instead.