Counting Alls

First of all, books are misleading. I guess that's why they're called "fiction," but it isn't fair. You know what they tell you? First kisses send off fireworks. You know what there was none of for my first kiss? Fireworks. I mean, come on. I'm supposed to have some sort of chemical reaction when we kiss? Buddy, if that happens to you, you've got some whacky allergies and a lifelong aversion to making out with anyone, ever. No fireworks: good. Also, no fireworks: a little underwhelming.

Second of all, people don't look how they're described in books. No one was looking at me with smoldering eyes, okay? I wasn't trying to kiss the sun. No one is staring from my eyes to my lips to my eyes to my lips to my eyes. I don't have the patience for that. You don't have the patience for that. It's not pinball with eyes, and for all I know, he could've been looking at my nose. People don't have "perfectly mussed hair" unless that's called bedhead, which by definition disqualifies it. My eyeliner wings were not perfectly straight because my Instagram is of a regular person and I don't know how to apply makeup. Also, my hand shakes when I'm nervous, and eyeliner is very close to my eyeball. I had some acne on my forehead and no one ever puts that in their books, I'll tell you that.

Third of all, no one really knows what they're doing during their first kiss. Not gonna lie, my first kiss was kind of disgusting. It was messy. His tongue was anywhere but inside of my mouth, not that it felt like he was licking my face, but it was undeniably wet afterwards. I think I was so nervous that I made more saliva because honestly, kisses are just really, really messy. My breath probably smelled horrible because we had just eaten but there is no way I am sacrificing good tasting food for a kiss. Luckily, I didn't bite him, but our teeth accidentally knocked together a couple of times and I really wasn't sure if I was supposed to offset our mouths so I could suck on his bottom lip like books said was sexy (honestly, so untrustworthy and a terrible guidebook), so I didn't. What do tongues do in kisses? Ours touched, I guess, and my tongue was sometimes in his mouth and his tongue was sometimes in my mouth, but one time his tongue was in my mouth and I closed my lips around it and it was overall a 0/10 experience. I was still breathing through my nose, is that weird? Books always go on about how the couple had to break for air, but your faces are probably already warm so would you really be bothered by the person you're kissing breathing? Are you not supposed to French kiss for your first kiss? Is it meant to be chaste and closed-mouth? Whoops, missed that memo.

Fourth of all, books are misleading, but they aren't entirely wrong because for some inexplicable reason, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer and couldn't resist kissing him again.