Johnathan’s Mind

"Johnathan, how long has this been going on?"

Timothy had been trying to reach Johnathan for months. He knew that much. But for Johnathan, he kept telling himself not to get in contact with him. With anyone.

He couldn't find the words to explain to his brother why.

why talk he can't help you

Visitation duty. Family matters.

now he's come to kill you

Johnathan leaned back in his chair, numb and unresponsive. He had decided to lay there for days. The only thing that kept him company was the loud television and the empty beer cans.

don't do nothing so nothing can hurt you

So you can hurt you.

don't trust him no don't

Johnathan's brother was talking to him, but he could only hear the droning in his mind:

kill yourself just kill yourself he knows you're a freak

No, no. John.

shutup! shutup shutup shutup!

Speak up, John.

busted you're busted just run run run

"John?" Timothy said. He waved his hands in front of his face.

Johnathan flinched. He stood up abruptly. "Get away from me!" He went to the door, clutching his head and ignoring his brother's pleas.

getaway getaway getaway

Where are you running, John?

"John, where are you going? You're in no condition!" Timothy broke through the droning.

somewhere anywhere but here

run from the fear

Timothy will miss you when you're gone, John.

Johnathan fumbled with the knob, shaking because of his own thoughts. He took his hand off the door, and turned to Timothy. He felt the tears welling in his eyes. He looked at him, feeling despair.

can't take it anymore not no more no

Can't take your own head?

not my head, your head you son of a bitch

just shoot it shoot yourself

John.

hopeless

"I'm sorry, Tim. I don't know what's going on anymore." Johnathan hung his head and dropped to his knees. He heard Timothy go closer to him. He held his head again.

attack he's trying to attack you

With a helping hand.

hands have weapons that will murder you with weapons yes

John's heart rate rose. A sudden jolt of adrenaline spiked, giving him that same familiar kick of fear that's plagued him nearly all his life.

run he will kill you

He fought it to the best of his ability, when finally Tim touched his shoulder. He knelt down with Johnathan.

"John," He said.

Johnathan was the deer in headlights.

don't cry you bitch you cry you lose you loser

Cry me a river.

cry me a river

Johnathan hugged Timothy harder than he's ever hugged him in his life. Timothy hugged him back just as hard. He howled and cried there. Timothy made them stand, still clutching to each other.

Eventually, Timothy lead him by the arm and through the entry way of his home. Johnathan continued sobbing the whole way down the steps. He tried explaining himself through the ordeal.

"I don't know what I'm thinking. It's like there's two of me, tearing me apart. I don't want to do it, but I do. they want to help and murder me too, I just can't keep track of them," Johnathan said between gulps of breath.

He was saying things he didn't understand, but a fraction of him thought that maybe Timothy understood what he meant.

numb just be numb you dead person you should die right now

Timothy would miss you.

"Just hold on, John," Timothy replied. His voice cracked. Johnathan saw the tears welling in him too.

hold on to what to the strands of spider silk in a bed of fear

To hold on, John.

Johnathan held on tighter to Timothy.

Once in the car, Timothy drove Johnathan to the hospital.

Notes:

Originally written for a writing prompt on reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/cwyspa/wp_you_are_the_inner_voice_of_a_schizophrenic_he/

The writing prompt was titled: [WP] You are the inner voice of a schizophrenic. He is ridden by cruel thoughts and you are the one keeping him from acting on it.

My reddit account is Journalismist.