Friendship Destroyed

"I didn't intend for her to find out that I lied, but of course, you can't always get what you want." I concluded my tale of woe hoping to get some sympathy, or at least, some understanding for my motives.

I had a crush on Gabe for a long time even though I suspected that he had his eye on Liz. All the guys in my group had a thing for Liz at one time for another. I could feel the vibe between them, even, I suspect, before they did. But still, I spent a lot of time with Gabe and Liz that summer and I was beginning to fantasize about me and Gabe being together as more than friends. Was it coveting what Liz had? Maybe part of it. She was the woman who had it all, great grades, killer dance moves, athletic, and more men after her than she knew what to do with. I needed someone to confide in so I turned to Emily.

Emily was my friend who I met in the dorms that year and she, Liz, and I were planning to room together for our senior year. "So, Em," I began, "I think I have feelings for somebody but I don't know what to do." Emily looked at me eagerly, "So, who is it? I'll do whatever I can to help." I pause awkwardly. I wasn't ready to give out names because I didn't want things to be weird between her, Liz, and Gabe when the inevitable happened. I also didn't want Liz or Gabe to look at me in pity if things got out. Without thinking I blurted, "His name is, uh, Max. Max has been part of my friend group for years and I don't know if he sees me that way."

The lie grew after Gabe and Liz declared themself an official couple. I called Emily upset and heartbroken, "I was right, Max doesn't have feelings for me at all. In fact, he just declared interest in our good friend Tricia. I'm never going to find the one."

Emily was so sympathetic, that she took me out to dinner and let me cry on her shoulder. Then and there, I should have told her that my secret crush was really Gabe and although I was happy with him and Liz, I was also a little bit jealous. But I let the lie fester.

Fall semester came along, and Liz, Emily, and I moved into our apartment. We decided to divide the room situation evenly. For the first semester, I would get the single bedroom and Liz and Emily would share the double. During those first nights, Liz and Emily had long conversation and eventually from Liz's specific stories,

Emily figured out that "Tricia" and "Max" were really Liz and Gabe.

This angered Emily because she saw it as me not being completely honest with her. Instead of confronting me, however, she started giving me the cold shoulder. On one of our breaks, she invited Liz and another woman from our crowd to her family's cabin in the Upper Peninsula and she excluded me. Emily started telling everyone in our group how she felt I was a liar who could not be trusted and as she kept excluding me, others did also. Liz, who was someone I considered one of my closest friends since high school, got married a few years later (not to Gabe). She invited Emily to be in her wedding party but not me. To this day, Emily will not forget my betrayal and has turned my core group of friends against me one by one.

"So you see, Dr. Browning. It's not just anxiety as you are claiming. I really don't have true friends anymore thanks to my stupid decision and Emily's response. I never should have lied to begin with and kept my friend group but as I said, I can't always get what I want and I now have to deal with the consequences."