Alternate Universe

“I cannot believe what Jade has done. She has ruined my whole life. And all because years ago, I made up a name instead of actually telling her who I had a crush on.”

Leo, the therapist, nods his head and Alyssa continues, “Because of that ‘betrayal’ of her trust, she has smeared my name, excluded me out of our mutual friend group, mocked me about my diet, and made me sound like the worst person in the world. Everybody believes her and now I have no friends. In fact, Stacey, the sister of Jade’s best friend Carrie, who up until a few years ago was one of my best friends, actually sent me a message on Facebook telling me what a troll I was. Yes, I treated Carrie like shit and she deserved much better but I was uncomfortable with her because of her close relationship with Jade and was anxious about talking to her in the chance that she would bring up this years-long fight between us. So, I did the cowardly thing and ghosted Carrie, I admit that was wrong, and I wrote a blog post about things that have bothered me about her for years. But Stacey could have gotten my side of the story instead of threatening to sue me over the post and telling me to f-off. In the meantime, Jade drags my name through the mud every chance she gets.”

Leo sighs and shakes his head, “It would be so much simpler if you all were men. This drama could have all been avoided years ago because you would have probably duked it out with your fists.”

1992

Allen glances at his alarm clock before rolling out of bed. He sighs, 20 minutes before he has to get to his class. Reluctantly, he pulls back the covers, gets out of bed, and glances at his roommate Charlie, who is still snoring loudly. He knows that his other roommate in the smaller second bedroom, James, is also still sleeping as his first class isn’t until noon. At least he knows he will have the bathroom to himself.

Allen critically looks at his body in the mirror and flexes his muscles. He makes a face in disgust at the extra paunch. He’s been drinking too many beers and eating too much fast food in preparation for midterm exams. “I guess,” he thinks, “it’s time for protein shakes and extra hours at the gym.” He really hadn’t been working out since Gina and Don started officially dating. Allen was still bummed with that, even though he knew it was inevitable. Don always got the women he wanted. He had a swimmer’s body, threw a wicked curveball, and most importantly, knew exactly what the ladies wanted to hear.

One drunken night, Allen shared his tale of woe with Charlie and James. “I am so bummed. Women never go for me.” James raises his eyebrows, “Dude. What’s going on?” Allen knew he couldn’t use real names as James and Charlie hung out with Gina and Don, too. In fact James commented the day before, “Whoa! Look at the two of them together. I believe Gina is totally hung up on Don and I’ve never seen Donny boy so whipped before. But, seriously, I’m happy for them.” He did not want to seem like a total loser so he waved his hand dismissively, “There’s this woman Mary who I knew from back home. I thought I had a real shot with her as we hung out all summer long. But no, there’s this guy Dale, who swooped right in and hooked up with her. I can’t even be mad at the dude. He did ask me if I was cool with it. He had noticed me checking her out. Of course I had to say I was or I’d look like a total douche.” James shook is head sympathetically, “Dude, that blows.” Charlie nods in agreement, “This weekend we should go scope out women at the bar.” Maybe he’d go to the gym tonight instead of hanging out with Charlie, James, and Don for a beer. He didn’t need the beer anyway.

After his workout, Allen goes back to his apartment to find Charlie and James in front of the TV, watching a football game. James looks up, “Al, my man, you’ve been holding out on me.” Allen looks at him in confusion as he continues. “Dude, I actually felt bad for you when you told me about ‘Dale and Mary.’” He makes air quotes with his hands. “But there is no Dale and Mary is there? It all makes sense now. You’ve had a thing for Gina forever. Why didn’t you tell me the truth? I feel played.” Allen stammers, “What’s the big deal?” James glares at him, “The deal is you couldn’t trust one of your supposed best pals. What you did was so lame.” James glances around the room, “You know you live like a pig. All of your protein shake cans laying around the apartment. You should be lucky I put up with you as it is. And then you pull something like this.” Allen volleys back, “You’re no picnic to live with either. Who else would put up with you and your temper?” Anger between them builds, and Allen shoves James’s shoulder and he stumbles backwards. James is now shaking in his fury, raises his fist, and punches Allen in the jaw. Allen glares at James, “Dude!” He raises his fist and goes right for James’s gut. He doubles over, startled and then charges after Allen. Suddenly Charlie yells, “touchdown!” James and Allen pause and look at the screen where there is an instant replay. “Awesome,” Allen yells in excitement. “Yeah,” James cheers. The two men chest bump and high five each other. Allen looks at James, “Dude, I’m sorry.” James nods, “I’m getting a beer. Do you want one?”

Present Day

The phone rings. “Allen,” James crows, “What plans does the wife have for you this Sunday?”

Allen grunts, “Not much, just need to mow the lawn. I think Michelle is taking the kids to a movie or something.”

“Do you want to hang out?” James asks, “Julie and the girls are going to some kind of fashion show at the church or something. I already called Charlie and Don. They’re in. And I think Charlie’s brother Steve is going to tag along. I was going to turn on the game.”

After all these years, Allen still enjoyed the company of his friends. Allen, James, and Don had wives, children, and family obligation but always made it a point to stay in touch. Sure, the years hadn’t been too kind to Charlie, with his messy divorce, then a string of dead end jobs, perpetual unemployment, and living in the basement of his parents’ house. Still, Charlie, like James and Don, was his bro and bros lifted each other’s spirits and were there for each other no matter what.

Allen smiles, “Cool. See you all then.”