Five Rejections

Order of significance, least disappointing to most disappointing. In January, I opened up to some girl I met online which is a big deal considering my past. She promised to be there, and not to judge me once all was revealed. Unfortunately, her reaction was shared by the many people whom previously stood in her shoes. Shock, disgust, and utter repulsion to the fact she had ever given me the time of day.

My fifth rejection segues into the fourth, rejection of thy self. Detailing the loss of hope regarding my feeble attempts at happiness. Realizing that I am the sole recipient of blame, no matter the situation or circumstance. Shouldering the weight thrust upon me, but never actually understanding it wasn't my burden to bear. Explaining why I withstood the abuse for so long, thus preparing me for the third rejection.

Turns out my family never cared about me. Believing the lies told by my stepbrother they began rejecting every idea other than his. Painstakingly revealing to me their true intentions, using my stepbrother's drama as a means to remove me from the family.

Next, was my rejection of the truth. Blindly walking right back into the traps set at my feet by those claiming to care about me, and doing so whole heartedly if it meant momentarily grasping onto the delusion of family given to us by societal dogmas.

My last rejection was a result of the other rejections, the rejection of love. After dealing with so much rejection, how am I honestly suppose to understand acceptance of any kind. I didn't, or at least remained unaware of it until it was too late. Rejecting her love, for the love I had come to know was a lie and used only as a weapon.