Early Funny Christmas Story

I wrote this after a challenge from Prose four years ago. Christmas is coming up, I hope you adults out there will share it for a laugh or two..

Santa has a secret. He will never tell his true story because if he did, it would ruin Christmas all over the world. Unfortunately for Santa, I’m feeling a bit naughty. I am going to tell you Santa’s secret. Just how he became Santa Clause is what we never hear about because it is his secret past, Santa’s dirty little secret.

When Santa was a young man if it weren’t for the frigid North Pole weather he wouldn’t keep many clothes on. He spent hours in the barn with reindeer. He claimed he was training them to fly but the reality of the situation was that he was exploring the reindeer that could please him by using their noses. Thus, we have his favorite, Rudolph.

Santa had many intimate friends. Everyone seemed to like the chubby lad, even the strange group of short people they called Elves. Santa said they were just the right height.

Santa Clause discovered the “ladies of the night.” This is why he delivers his package simultaneously screaming “Ho! Ho! Ho!” He has always been jolly and frequently gay.

He aged. His white fluffy beard was fashionable at the North Pole. His passion could not be contained as he laid his eyes and heart upon Mrs. Clause. She was fat too though the term Chubby Chaser hadn’t been discovered yet.

Mrs. Clause was a daughter of the Gods. Her family had arranged for her to wed a man named Dudley Wisen who wore red with black accessories.

One day after a rendezvous in a large sack with her new love, she introduced Santa to her parents. Unbeknownst to Santa, a few shreds of her panties and one dark curly hair rested upon his beard.

The Gods were enraged! They considered their option to kill him. Mrs. Clause pleaded and begged for his life. They were given no choice but to accept their punishment.

· His balls would decorate trees.

· He would wear red with a black belt and black boots

· Rudolph would lead the team of flying reindeer

· Elves would make the toys

· He would work on the coldest night of the year screaming “Ho! “Ho! Ho!”

And lastly, he would live forever in the North Pole with Mrs. Clause.