p u r e j o y

p u r e j o y. These are the words I have tattooed on my wrist. Anxiety is suffocating, and so I need a reminder. Anxiety can be slow, creeping. A cat slinking towards prey on its haunches, preparing to launch. Anxiety can be sudden. A rotten step giving way beneath a foot. Either way, anxiety is suffocating. But if life has taught me anything, it is that there are two sides to every coin. Pure joy is exhilirating. Conquering a fear, putting your past behind you. Pure joy is peaceful. Watching the sun rise, colors painting the sky. Pure joy is the word "pure." And it is the word "joy." A darkened stairwell leading up the tallest tower, anxiety. The view of expansive forest meeting with the sea, visible from the tower's only window - pure joy. My fingers slide over the two words, tracing the gentle curves and straight lines in each letter. The ritual in itself is calming, peaceful, joyful. I let it float me above and bring me down to earth at the same time. The action always reminds me of moments, memories filled with the emotion typed above my hand. One of the most intense moments of pure joy for me was first seeing you. My darling girl, you are my heart and soul. As I stroked your brow and held you against my beating heart. As you snuggled closer and our hearts connected. Beating together. Mother, daughter. Two words. Just like pure joy.