Morning Wood

My crotch is hard. Why is my crotch hard?

It's pulsing. No, that's a bulge, a big pulsing bulge.

Is that a dick? Why is a penis attached to my crotch? Why is it pulsing? I need to pee.

How do I pee with a penis, a hard one at that? I need to get out of bed. I'm out of bed and my crotch looks like Pinocchio went on a lying spree. I really need to piss. But I have a fucking penis.

Okay, this shouldn't be that hard. I just gotta hold the thing down, like a water hose. Do I need to wipe it after? No, no that's dumb. Here I go.

Well, that wasn't so bad. I mean, wasn't so bad until my penis flung up. Now there's pee everywhere. And my penis is still hard. Morning wood, they call it? Maybe I should call someone.

That is possibly the worst idea I've ever had. The bathroom smells of piss and I have a penis attached to me. Where did my vagina go? Oh my god, where did my tits go? Not that I had any before. I'm going to my mirror.

I'm a man.

I don't look too bad. I'm kinda handsome, maybe it's the aura of my rock hard dick bulging through my underwear. My tightass underwear.

There is no way I can wear any of my clothes.

I'm wishing I stuck with my tomboy phase now. I look like I just came out of Ru Paul's dressing room. I love Ru Paul. I don't love my new penis. It's a decent size. God, I'm a sexy man.

I'm a man.

I'm gonna call in sick. What does my voice sound like? It better sound like Tom Hiddleston's.

I sound like a 40-year-old smoker. Whatever, no calling in sick. I need to think.

My dick is still hard.

Do I need to rub one out? This feels perverted. But it's my penis, right? This is my body. Is this my body? Did I switch with some random's body? I really need to rub one out. Can I do this quick? I feel like death gripping the thing is unhealthy, but I'm not a fucking doctor.

No doctor can fix this, I assure you.

This feels like my body. My body as a man, I guess.

Do erections go away? They have to, right? I'm googling this.

Okay, I'm not waiting half an hour for my dick to get soft, Google.

I'm gonna do it.

This is gonna be a long day.