Snapped

“Officer, all I can say is I snapped. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” The uniformed man, slightly overweight, looked at me inquiringly.

I continue, “Let me give you a little bit of background. I took Maura Cunnigham under my wing. I introduced her to my core friend group when she knew nobody. I tried to make her feel welcome when she was new to the school.”

I breathe in, an angry shuddering breath.

“And what does she do? She alienates me from said friend group. She makes sure I am excluded from get togethers. She badmouths me until others believe her and take her side.”

I stand up, hands on my hips, my voice shaking in anger.

“You know why? Because instead of giving her the name of my crush, who I knew deep down was unattainable anyway, I make up a name. Because of that she called me a liar.” I continue, “And I try to be an optimist. Maybe I wasn’t sympathetic enough to her problems, because back then I was a dumb kid who didn’t know any better. I didn’t have a chronic illness, or a sick parent. I just did the best I could with the limited knowledge I had.”

I wipe away a stray tear. “Does this make me a bad person? And my blog that you asked me about? I needed some place to vent my frustration since I felt I had no friends. But does that make me a bully as she accused?”

The officer speaks softly but deliberately, “So, what happened?”

“I ran into her at the mall and she just gives me a look. I should have walked away but I couldn’t stand it anymore. I follow her out to her car and say to Maura, ’I’m sorry if I hurt you. I feel bad about that but do you have to go around smearing my name? She just smirks and taunts, 'What a bully.'” My voice is shaking, “You take that back.

She shakes her head and just gives me this accusing look. Then she shoves me, ‘Admit you are a bully. Everything I said about you and worse is true. You’ve lied about everything and I don’t know who you are. You want all your friends to die. I heard it with my own ears. You couldn’t even admit you liked Max and when he started dating Jenny you were mad with jealousy. When Jenny had mono, you wished she would die.’”

I shake my head as I explain to the officer, “That’s not what happened at all. It was Maura who brought it up in a way that I interpreted as sarcastic. And believing such, I laughed it off. I have never wished anyone dead in my life.”

The officer gave me a pointed look. “The thing with Maura was an accident. I was so mad at what she said and I had enough of her accussations. Without thinking, it was almost as if I was another person, I wrapped my hands around her neck. I started shaking her and screaming ‘You take it all back.’ I just kept yelling, screaming, and shaking her, my hands getting tighter around her neck and then she went limp in my arms. Officer, I never meant to kill her. I never wanted any of my friends dead. Would never even wish that on Maura even though she was a classless b*tch. I just had enough. Looking at those cold blue eyes just made me snap.”