Loss

Why is loss so great?

We all know of it.

So why is so meaningful?

Why does it leave us so broken,

Sitting on the kitchen floor that day.

Why was I so vulnerable?

Why was I so broken,

I had forgotten.

I had forgotten what I appreciated,

I had forgotten what I missed.

But I felt it, I felt all of it.

It wasn't like before,

The shackles that bound me then couldn't weigh me down this time.

I would not neglect him, like I did my brother.

My brother was here, and he was not.

My brother tried, and he didn't.

He knew his value, my brother knew his own pain.

I knew them both, and I needed him, not my brother.

I didn't need him here, I needed him gone.

As fickle as it is, his loss helped me more than my brother's attempt.

Down here, she didn't make an attempt, she succeeded.

She didn't know her value, neither did my brother.

But she left a hole that I can feel.

Her friends soon became mine, and with them, their hurt.

I could feel them, each one.

I felt their pain, I felt their cuts.

But I didn't know them, I couldn't.

I thought I knew, from my brother.

But I never felt for my brother, I never wanted to.

But when I was there, on the kitchen floor,

I wanted to be broken,

I wanted to be ntohing more than absolutely speechless.

But I was too strong.

He was dead, not my brother, him.

I cried, but that was all.

I wrote, and that was it.

I took so much positive from him,

It drowned out the negative.

I know that it's what he would've wanted,

But I didn't know that it's what I needed.

I needed to trudge forward.

Ever forward, towards something better?

I know not.

His light went out.

And mine blew up.

Her light went out,

And then mine came here.

Their lights dimmed,

And in their darkness I bloomed.

A firey blossom that engulfed the darkness.

It took one spark,

But I'm not giving up.

I care, about every star in the sky.

I care about every candle in the sun.

I care about her, even though I haven't met her.

She didn't leave an impact by being mean.

She didn't lead a legacy of love through hate.

She knew her worth, and she showed others their worth too.

Now it's my job too.

It's my turn to light others candles.

It's my voice this time,

And it's his spark,

Her Ember,

My time to rule,

To rule the darkness through light.

My voice is not going out like my brothers.

It's going out like His, or Hers.

But not today, I have too much to live for.

I have them, and the hole to fill.

I will lift them, as she did.

She won't be forgotten,

He won't either.

My brother may be,

But I won't.

I am staying,

'Cause it only takes one light in the dark.

One light, to show that the world isn't all dark.

The shadows may press, seemingly, into every wall.

Every door may close.

Every head may turn away from you.

But no darkness is ever permanent.

If darkness is the lack of light,

Then I will be the light to start,

To start the night sky.

I will be the evening star,

So others may shine above me.

Hear my call,

Hear my voice.

They may be gone,

Remember them.

But there is a hope on the horizon.

Move forward,

Not in neglectance of them.

But in respect.

You are alive,

Do you know your value?