Fear

I remember when I was a kid and I was so happy when I got to hold a boa constrictor on my shoulders. Then I to go visit my grandma and they made guacamole. I ran and hid in the bathroom and wouldn't come out till they promised not to make me eat it.

I'm older now.

Now in my dreams, I'm not afraid of the fall but I'm afraid of the jump. I'm not afraid of the things I make but I am afraid of the jump into that new thing. I think about the world I soon have to go into and I think I'll do fine but I worry about being alone. I think about the failure and being under the focus of everyone's negative judgment. I start panicking and feeling very anxious when I think about applying for my future but I get excited when I think about the actual act of doing the thing. So anxious I cry. It's pathetic and stupid because I know I've been raised well to deal with the adult world.

I'm afraid of the beginning. I'm disappointed in the end and excited for the middle.