You Are A Gift and a Joy

I had my godmother write those words on a tie of a little bear that my roomate had been trying to get rid of. I gave it to him on the last friday of the school year. He was leaving with his older sister and brother. I said that since it was the last day of after school I wanted to give him this because working with him had been a gift and a joy. He hugged me. His sister asked why she didn't get one. I told her it was because I only had one and that I was a terrible person, one lie and one truth. They left and I headed back into the school, my day was far from done. I didn't see him much during the last four days. I went to his graduation. Smiled too much. He had made it through his first year at a school that would continue to beat the shit out of him.

A school that had an afterschool program that wasn't enough fun and had too many rules. Rules that I enforced too much.

A school that would throw his poverty in his face with their spirit shop. Because something was needed to touch the gap between the funding they were given and the funding that they and their community needed. I counted the coins he brought one week with him. I was surprised by how well he could count by 5's and 10's. I followed him when he took one of the branded water bottles we were selling for 3 dollars each. I stood at the entrance to his classroom and waited. I lied to the teacher when she asked why I was there. He brought the water bottle back after a bit. I smiled and said that he wasn't in trouble and that I hoped he had a good day. Hoping against hope that I wasn't building up shame in him about what happened.

A school whose principal yelled at him when he took extra cereal for breakfast.

He's back there for another year now I think. I can't be there for him this year not that me being there last year meant anything. But he has the bear, or had it. No doubt he's pulled off the tie, discarded it, or chewed on it. Dropped the bear in a puddle or forgotten it somewhere.

Maybe though, he's held it close in a dificult moment and its brought some manner of comfort that I might have provided last year. Maybe he read those words and remembered that he is loved even though he lives in a world that treats him as a burden and a pain.