What a Daydream

We wake up Monday mornings smelling like cigarettes.

You were a dream.

Beyond it.

An absolute mirage,

I awoke wondering if you actually existed.

I dreamt of you that night,

Did you know that?

You held me in your arms and we were immortal.

But why must fantasies fade so fast?

Because I blew my smoke in your face and you felt nothing.

Looking at you makes me sad sometimes.

When you're drunk you forget me.

You told me yourself you're a different person.

But god, if only every side of you loved me like you loved me that night,

When I couldn't walk and I leaned against you,

When you told me the things that broke you,

When you said goodbye and wrapped your arms around me,

And made sure I got home safe.

I want that every night for the rest of my short life,

But I need the sober you

And he's hidden all too often in the depths of substance, substance,

Chemical substance.

No, it's these things that make you feel alive

So who am I to shame you

When you spend enough time

Getting shamed by the world?

But I need you. I want you.

I just don't know how to go about getting you.

So until then your image will pierce my heart,

and your eyes sear my soul.