Inferna

Let’s get one thing straight: This isn’t Hell.

Well, yeah, it looks like Hell. And sometimes we call it that. But it isn’t “Hell”.

Let me explain. Everyone dies. Pretty obvious. And when you die, you have a choice of your afterlife.

All the good, pure, incredibly boring souls choose Oasis, a paradise where nothing ever changes and nothing you do matters. Enjoy your eternal reward, losers.

All the interesting people choose Inferna. Which is not Hell. I promise.

Inferna is more like a second life. We’ve got gamblers and addicts and murderers, movie stars and prostitutes and one guy who looks suspiciously like the pope from a hundred years ago. There are no consequences here. You can’t kill anyone, so stabbing someone is perfectly fine. You can’t lose your life savings and end up homeless and destitute, because belongings don’t matter. Your addiction isn’t a problem, since you’re not gong to die and neither is anyone else. Sin isn’t real, not in Inferna.

Awesome, right?

Anyway, once you end up in Inferna, you lose your old name. Instead, you becoming an “imprint” of the last thing you saw or heard before you died. Its not that cut and dry, but that’s the basics of it.

For example, my friend Dragonfly drowned in some lake in the fifties. Technically, the last thing she saw was the water, but the image she latched on to was the dragonfly buzzing above the surface. Now she’s blue, and she has cool wings and stuff. And Kiss was stabbed to death at a ball sometime in the 1300s, where the last thing she heard was the music at the party. But she was focused on the lips of the guy who stabbed her, who had kissed her moments before while they were dancing.

You’re going to love it here, trust me. Sure, it takes some getting used to, the whole “morals don’t matter” thing, but once you do, this is way more of a paradise than whatever those guys are doing up there. You’ve got plans to make, ambitions to pursue, and an eternity to spend on whatever you want! And fear is a thing of the past, since you can’t die.

Enjoy your time in Inferna. Just, don’t call it Hell. Those guys in Oasis are annoying enough without the superiority complex.