Against Logic
I’ve been both hoping you will and won’t message me.
I’ve been hoping you want to. Hoping you don’t.
I’ve been wanting to reach out, for selfish reasons. I’m hurting and you were good at stopping that before.
I’m hurting for a lot of reasons. I’m sure you aren’t surprised to know that you’re one of them.
You aren’t the only reason. I have other things going on in my life that you have no part of.. But they would definitely be easier if I had you.
I’m so mad at you. At myself. At you agian.
I keep thinking about how fast things changed. One second you were perfect. I thought of a future with you.. The next, you scared me.
It doesnt make sense in my heart. My head seems to understand, but my heart... It’s
lost. It started to fall, and just started to enjoy flying when a glass wall appeared in it’s path.
On the other side, it can see what it was falling toward. It can see you, meeting my family, it can see you teaching me how to play video games, it can see us celebrating our anniversary with ice cream.. It can see us. It can see something good and wonderful, but it can’t get to it. Every time it pounds against the glass, against my logic it’s shown flashes.
Me on my back,
Me saying no,
You saying yes,
Me, praying you would finish so you’ll stop and my heart can go back to laying in your arms..
My heart sees this, and it only pounds on the thin glass harder!
It’s so close. It was so close to being ours, to being mine, to being...
It’s so close
“You’re gonna get this dick”
It’s right there!
“No”...“Yes”
It’s inches away! Seconds!
Repeat.