Offensively Anodyne

Today’s “Reunification Drill” procedure:

When the PA declares “At this time we need to lock down the building,” I first

A) tell my sophomores to huddle in the corner, hypothetically out of sight from the

B) door I open to check for hallway kids before

C) locking, not to unlock until

D) a police officer comes in to identify himself and tell us we need to

E) evacuate the building and go to the primary school across campus, so we

F) exit and walk through the warm, non-rainy halls to get there (only a drill, after all) till

G) proceeding to the elementary gymnasium, where yesterday my daughter played

foursquare and now all my students

H) sit while I take attendance,

I) walk the sheet to the “Reunification Tables” where our guidance staff wears fluorescent

yellow vests,

J) return to my students and colleagues, so together we can all

K) wait, and

L) play games on our phones and joke about Halloween and weather and varsity soccer

sectionals so we

M) do not think too hard about the weeping screaming trauma for which we attempt to

prepare.

In my mind, they were all splattered in red.

But on the plus side, you can still buy 100 round magazines throughout cities in 41 states.

Like Dayton.

So that’s neat.