Whiskey And Ashes

I find myself drinking coffee at midnight

And looking for ways to set my bones on fire.

Where have I been that has not taught me a lesson or engraved me with scars?

Every place I go

Every face I see

Haunts me.

This is not insomnia.

But I am tired.

I can feel my heart begin to drag its feet

As it chases after things that might make all of my yesterday's fade into the horizon of a setting sun.

My eyes are shut,

My breathing is labored,

And my mind is constantly going back to the moment you left.

We drank whiskey and sang sad songs

And suddenly you said that everything felt wrong, even you and I.

That is when you put down your glass.

You got up, kissed my forehead, grabbed your coat

And left.

You did not look back, not even once.

I shattered in my own silence.

So here I am, at midnight

drinking cold, bitter coffee

Hoping that I will figure out how to reignite the flames I once had in my bones

But knowing that no fire could ever keep me as intoxicatingly passionate about life as you.

Ashes. Ashes. Ashes.

Whiskey and ashes.

Coffee and beat up, broken down me.

Sleepless nights that pills won't solve.

I will be cold until you come home.

-AshleyAnne