Beautiful Haven

“I want us to have a family,” The boy said quietly, and laying next to him—the girl whom he thought would laugh at his dream—simply turned her head to face him. Her eyes were wide and shining, tears brimming, and her face shone.

“Really?” She asked. He nodded, shifting his gaze from the sky to her.

“Imagine five years from now,” He proposed. “You and I are getting ready to have our first baby. We’re living in our own house, working on painting the nursery, and you go into labour. We go to the hospital, you give birth to a beautiful baby—”

“A girl,” She interrupted, and when he glances sideways at her, the grip she has on his hand has tightened, and she’s staring up at the sky. Her gaze flicked to him. “Charity.” He nodded.

“Charity,” He agreed, the two of them turning back to the sky. “You give birth to a beautiful baby girl named Charity, and she looks so much like you. She has your hair…” She squeezed his hand.

“She has your eyes.”

“She has your nose.”

“She has your freckles.”

“She has your spirit,” He said, and she doesn’t reply with another one. “A year after that, she turns one, and everyone’s there. You, me, our parents, our grandparents, Jess and Kate. Everyone, they’re all there.” She’s crying. It’s okay, because he’s about to start. “And when she takes her first steps, it’ll be towards both of us. And when she starts talking, her first word will be—”

“Love,” She interrupted again. He nodded.

“Her first word will be love,” He said. “Then three years later, we’ll be sending her to her first day of pre-school. Then kindergarten. And after that: Grade one, only she’ll be so scared to go, we’ll walk her into class, holding her hands, introduce her to the other kids, then we’ll leave—” His voice begins to catch “—and then she’ll be fine.” She squeezed his hand, taking over for him.

“And halfway through the year, she’ll have her first playdate, and she’ll start to grow up,” She said. “She’ll start learning so many new things, asking us so many questions, some to which we won’t have the answers to.” He nodded.

“She’ll have a crush,” He said.

“She’ll come home some days crying,”

“She’ll act in school musicals,”

“She’ll fall in love,” She whispered, and he stopped again, closing his eyes only for tears to slip out when he opens them again.

“Yeah,” He agreed. “She’ll be happy. She’ll start junior high, probably get a boyfriend that’ll probably break her heart, and we’ll be there. She’ll learn how to drive, get her learners. Then when she goes into high-school, she’s going to struggle a little bit. But she’s smart, so she’ll know how to figure it out. She’s going to go out on her first date. You’re going to help her with her hair and make-up. And after she leaves, we’ll stay up waiting until she gets back. Then she’ll introduce us to him. And before we know it, she’s going to graduate and go onto college. Or travelling. Or even just spending her time falling in love.” He is crying, started a while ago, but now he can’t seem to stop. His tears are calm though, somewhat understanding, falling down the sides of his face.

“After she goes to college, she’ll go on to do something wonderful,” He breathed. “She’ll be following her dreams, making us proud. But she knows she doesn’t need to, because we love her, so, so much. She’s going to get engaged, and married. You’ll take her shopping for her wedding dress, I’ll get to take her down the aisle, and we’ll give her away. Then—”

“She’ll have a baby of her own,” She whispered, and they both go silent. He swallowed.

“Yeah,” He said, voice trembling. “She’ll have a baby of her own.” He echoed. He looked beside him, seeing her shaking on the blanket. She’d turned onto her side, curled up against his side, letting herself cry. He sniffed, now realizing the extent of his own emotions, and still laying on his back, lifted the hand behind his head to draw a thumb down her cheek, wiping a tear, but she only trembled against his touch. Her bottom lip let out, and she cried harder. He turned onto his side so he was facing her, and dropping each others hands, he wrapped himself around her, crying into her hair.

“She would have a good life. A happy one.” He said, only causing her to cry even more.

“I want it so bad,” She whimpered, and his heart broke. He held tighter to her, his voice becoming too shaky in his attempt to ease his crying.

“I know,” He whispered. “I want it too.”

Above them, the sky had changed from blue to a milky lilac. They laid like that, remaining on their checker striped blanket as the stars rose. When they finally got up, their eyes had dried. He wrapped the thin blanket around the two of them and walking back to the hospital, convinced themselves they weren’t dying.