Survival Of The Foolish

People keep asking me how I survived. I do not really know. I know that every day I had to remind myself to breathe. I know it took a long time to build myself a new heart.

I cannot hate you.

I cannot get over you.

I will always love you.

It's just the way things have to be, I guess. And I have this hole inside of me that is shaped exactly like you. It's a black hole inside of my bones. I keep grasping at everything and anyone to try and fill this hole, but it is bottomless. There is no end to it, possibly because there is no end to the love and devotion I have for you.

Ask me to come home.

Ask me to be yours.

Ask me to let you in.

I will.

Maybe because I forgave you. Maybe because I can't un-love you. Maybe because you are the only one who can stop this disaster in me. Maybe because I am a fool. A fool with a heart that clings to pain the way that an infant clings to its mother.

Pain is my mother. Insecurity is my father. And I am the product of everything you love to destroy.

How did I survive? I survived by locking love away in a small dark box and storing it in the bottom of my left lung. Every time I breathe, I risk setting love free. Survival isn't really what they want. They want life, and that is something I haven't had in a long time.

-AshleyAnne