A Letter From the Mother of a Gay Son

“Mom, please don’t be angry.” I can honestly say I was completely stunned and blindsided by my son’s confession that he was homosexual. Ok, not completely blindsided, but it’s one of those situations that you don’t think can happen to you. It happened to that one guy at work or your neighbor across the street. “I’m not angry,” I told him, “Just give me a second to process this.” He did, and I hated that I couldn’t get my head around it fast enough. My son just stared at me in horror and shame.

I grew up in a Christian home, and I had raised my children with the Church. My family also comes from a quite conservative southern background, so my mind was fighting a lot of knee-jerk reactions. I’ve never harbored any hatred or judgment towards gay people, but that was mostly because it never personally affected me. Dealing with homosexuality and the LGBTQA+ community was always an external issue. Until now, I guess. My son is still staring at me, looking at me like I’m a bomb about to go off.

“Mom, do you see me differently?” I nodded, “Yes.” I remember that he looked miserable when I said that, but it wasn’t what he thought, and I told him so. “I see you differently now not because I’m ashamed or furious with you, but I’m honestly wondering how I didn’t notice and if I have ever said or done something that would have been hurtful to you.” He blinked, “Mom, I’m not gay because you did something wrong.” “No,” I clarified, “I mean to say I’m the one who gave birth to you, fed you, raised you, and will love you more than anyone ever could. How could I, your mother, not know something so significant?”

He didn’t respond to that, so I continued, “I guess I may have wondered about your roommate that you’ve lived with for about a year now, but I honestly thought you were just good friends.” He smirked, “Yeah, it’s a little more than that.” I couldn’t help it, I laughed, “You know we love Brandon, too, right?” He nodded, but continued to remain mute.

I leaned forward and took his hand, “I’m your mother. There is nothing on this world that will ever make me stop loving you with my entire soul. As far as you coming out, I’m just in shock. I’m not angry or disappointed. Why would I be upset about who you are? Yeah, we come from a Christian background, but Jesus says we are to love one another. You’re still as much his beloved son as you are mine.” I let that hang there a moment, and I felt the tension in the room begin to lift. “It took a lot of courage to come out to me, and I want you to know that I’m even more proud of you.”

He pulled his chair close and hugged me just like he used to do when he was little. Yeah, my son will face a lot of hardship, a lot of which will come from his extended family and even his Church family, and instead of worrying about some woman breaking his heart, I’ll be worrying about how he managed to live with his boyfriend for over a year, and I never noticed, because I’m apparently a moron!

I see my son differently not because he didn’t turn out like I expected, but because I now have someone very close to me who will be judged and affected by a lot of the anger towards the LGBTQA+ community. He will lose friends, family, and will most likely be treated like an outsider because of his sexual orientation, and it pains me that I won’t be able to protect him from any of it. When someone makes a joke about homosexuality, now I will be taking it more personally. When I hear stories about parents cutting ties with their gay children, my soul will weep and empathize with their children. I will now be taking a firmer and compassionate stand for the LGBTQA+ community, and it’s all because my son came out to me.

Also, when he came out to his father, my husband insisted he always knew. I asked why he never would have told me, and he insisted that it was because he was cleverer and more observant, letting my poor brain figure it out for myself. I told him where he could shove his clever brain. My teenage daughter is thrilled and has been talking about boys for the last hour with him.

So, to my friends, family, church, and coworkers, my son is gay, and I love him more than ever and couldn’t be more proud of him. You can try to berate and be hateful towards him, but just know that he has an entire community of people who love and support him. And before any of you try to bring religion into this, “Let he who has not sinned throw the first stone.” The Church may be divided about homosexuality, but I firmly believe that God blessed me with MY son, and I will not condemn him or call him a mistake. God has decreed that my son is gay, and I will continue to be a spiritual role model to him and teach him about Jesus’s love. I’m not God, so I will not claim to know how he thinks, but my son is a precious gift, and I will not spend a moment doubting God’s design.

If you are a member of the LGBTQA+ community reading this, I’m sorry for how religion has hurt you. Not just Christians, but every person claiming to know love and forgiveness, but treating you with hate and contempt. And if you have been ousted by your family, I’m so so sorry, and you have my deepest love and sympathy. As a mother, I will say that those people are out of your life for a reason, and you’re better off without them. Sometimes God has a better family for you than the one you’re born into. You are loved. You are important. God loves you more than life itself, and He made you just the way you are.

Lastly, I’m sorry and please forgive me for my apathy and preconcieved notions of the LGBTQA+ community. I’m sorry for being one of those judgemental and immature people who thought I had you figured out. You are precious and a human being just like me. Please forgive this stupid woman, and I hope every happiness and blessing on your life. God bless and know that you are loved.