Nightmare Life

I used to light up and drown my sorrows in cheap liquor.

I used to try to burry my heartache in the beds of strangers who would not remember my name the next day.

I used to make up false realities in my head to have a place I could escape to when my thoughts became too dark and my heart became too set on vengeance.

I committed every sin to try to get away from who I was or who I could be

But it did not stop me from stumbling down dark alleyways with my nose covered in white powder and my hands shaking and my heart pounding inside of my chest.

Nothing I did could stop me from trying to outrun myself. Nothing anyone else did could cure me of my self hatred.

I have stabbed myself in the back

I have devoured the hopes of my enemies

I have broken innocent hearts

And drank the blood of those I claimed to care for.

It all came back void.

Every attempt left me as more of a failure than before

I was a mortal

Living in a ghost town

Everyone knew my secrets except for me.

I did not see myself until no one else could.

I did not save myself when no one else would.

I was never willing to wake up from the nightmare I lived.

I just hung out and hung on.

Living in a nightmare seemed better somehow, than waking up and not knowing where I was or what I had done.

-AshleyAnne