Depression

I watch people walking with those smiles, and think to myself, I wish I was like that. I only smile once in a while, but it's not real if it's forced upon my face. When I'm alone I cry to myself, for no reason at all. I feel like a peice of paper being crumpled; getting smaller, and smaller, and being thrown into the corner, at the bottom of the trash can. I feel like no one sees me. They notice me, yet they ignore me, as if I was nothing to look at. Nothing special. Nothing worth stealing a glance at. When I'm alone, I feel that my shadow is creeping up behind me, like a giant hand coming at me to suffocate me. But when I look behind myself, it's just my plain, old shadow. A shadow that holds all of my nightmares. It's waiting; it's waiting to catch me alone, and trap me into my own nightmares. Nightmares that make me wake up in the middle of the night, and scream, and cry. All alone. As I pick up my knife, my hand shakes. It shakes as if a part of me is trying to hold me back. "No!", it's yelling. "It's not worth it!". I drop my knife, and fall to the ground, crying, screaming, wondering what's happen to me. To think that i'd actually hold a knife to my wrist. "It's not going to solve anything", I think to myself,"It never solves anything". I open the shades. The sun welcomes me with a warm embrace. I feel hot tears over flow from my eyes. My cheeks turn hot; my eyes stinging. "It's been so long since I've seen the light", I say, unable to stop myself from crying. I'm not there yet, and I don't know exactly how long it'll take. But somehow, maybe, just maybe, I'll find my way out.