A Wide River

You're standing on a rock on the banks of a wide river. Next to you is someone you don't know very well. She might become your friend eventually, but for now she's just someone to stand next to on a rock on the banks of a wide river.

Blinking in the sun, you're not quite sure how you got here. Obviously you texted her two days ago to plan this hike and then drove here in your car, sweating bullets the whole time because as a general rule you don't make social plans. Regardless, you have no idea how any of this came to pass. You don't recognize yourself as you are in this moment.

You smile. You want to scream in a good way. You don't know why.

It's sunny but it's cold. You wipe at your runny nose and silently pray to whatever benevolent being that she didn't notice you do that. She's watching kayakers in the white water. She's paying no attention to you.

You watch the kayakers, too. They must be freezing. "They must be freezing," you say out loud.

She shakes her head, still watching the brightly colored humans. "They're wearing skirts."

"Ah," you nod with complete understanding. You don't know what skirts have to do with kayaks.

You look away and adjust your hat. It's colder than you thought it would be but you refuse to shiver. You fill your lungs with frigid river air. There isn't a cloud in the sky above you. It rained yesterday. Your smile is a grin this time.

"I love this."

She finally looks away from the river. She raises her eyebrows at you. "You love being cold and watching other people have fun?"

You shrug, stupid grin still plastered across your face. It feels like genuine fool's gold. "Yeah, I guess."

You don't know her well enough to tell her the truth. You love this because you forgot what it was like to look forward to something. The dark days of white walls and blue light are behind you. You just want to scream, "I forgot what it was like to be happy." But you don't. Instead, you hold the words on your tongue and taste them. They almost make you cry.

You turn your lighthouse beam of a face to the island behind you. You wipe your runny nose again and walk towards the trail that leads to only good things. Your friend follows you from the rock on the banks of a wide river, laughing.