Purity
Ever have that feeling that the entire world is against you? Like around every corner there is something lurking; something with eyes that seem to pierce every inch of your body, sending shivers up and down your spine. A shadow that is not there when you try to look. An invisible being that is too hard to explain even to yourself.
And do you ever feel that this... this thing is out to get you? It waits for its opportunity, and then it strikes. There are only seconds to get out of the way or be caught. Getting caught... now that is a terrifying thought.
This is something I face every day. It’s uncomfortable to always have to look over my shoulder. I’ve been doing for years now. I don’t know when it started, or I can’t remember. Most people think I’m crazy, but I know there is something there, something watching my every move. Well, maybe they’re right. Maybe I am losing my mind. I can’t even remember where I am, or how I came to be here.
It’s dark, really dark. It is cold and dusty. I can feel the dust every time I breathe. Every time I inhale I get a mouth full of dirt. It makes me cough, which in turn makes it harder to breath. The dirt isn’t just in the air; it’s underneath me. I can feel it, cold and hard on my back.
My leg hurts. Why does it hurt? There is something on it. I think it’s stone. It’s tough and bumpy; also, heavy. It feels like a dagger is digging into my skin, deeper and deeper, breaking my bone. The pain is becoming unbearable. I need to get this thing off it. If I can just pull it out.
“Ah!” The pain, it hurts so much. I can’t move it. ”Fuck!”
I can feel the hot tears streaming down my cheeks now. I can’t breathe. The dust and the pain are too much. My leg is throbbing, and the dagger won’t give in. What do I do? I’m stuck and I can’t even see where.
“Okay, calm down. Just think Mira, think.” Remember what Dr. Kari said, “When you start to panic, just remember to breathe.” Inhale one . . . two . . . three . . . and exhale. That's better.
What the hell is happening? Where was I before this? The orphanage wasn’t it? Yeah, that’s right. I remember now. I was at the orphanage. The little kids and their big excited eyes had watched as I pulled out the old toys from my car. There were bags of them from weeks of collecting. I remember playing with Natasha, the little shy girl that rarely talked and only warmed up to me.
She is such a sweet girl. I really don’t understand how no one wants her. I’ve tried so hard to find her a family, but nothing I do well help her. I wish there was more I could do for her. I can still hear her little voice in my head.
“Why can’t I go home with you?” The look on her face was heartbreaking, the desperation in her bright blue eyes. She hated it there and I understood why. The place was awful. Crowded with other kids and loud, very loud. She always got drowned out, the poor little thing. I wish I could take her home.
Wait, what am I doing? I still don’t know where I am. I was at the orphanage and then... I don’t know. How did I get here? Where is here? I’ve got to get out of here. It’s so stuffy. This place is small. I can’t see it, but I can feel it, like the walls are going to give in to the weight of... of what? Stone? I wish I could see. Maybe there is something around here that will help.
“Yeah, if you can find it blind.” That’s a perfect way to cheer yourself up. Good job on that, Mira.
There’s nothing beside me except more dirt. With my leg stuck I don’t exactly have that far of a reach. Even just the slightest of movements sends a sharp sting through my entire body. I should try to sit up. Why does that seem like a lot of work?
“Okay, here we go.” Don’t hesitate, just go. “Ouch! What the hell is that?”
Now my head hurts. Is that a rock? Yeah, that is definitely a rock. There’s something dripping into my eye. It’s warm and thick on my fingers. I must have cut my forehead when I hit the damn thing. Uh oh, I think I’m going to be sick, definitely going to be sick.
“Disgusting.” What is that taste? It’s not vomit; I know what vomit tastes like. It’s kind of metallic and thick. It must be blood. That is how blood is supposed to taste isn’t it? I should know that. I’ve been in the hospital plenty of times that the taste of blood should be familiar to me.
I still remember the first time I tasted it. I was five; well, I think I was five. Maybe I was younger. Can you even remember things when you’re that young? My parents had rushed me to the emergency room in a panic. I remember my mother’s hysteria. Red was everywhere. It stained my clothes, my skin...my mind. I remember a laugh as well. It was distant, but I’m positive that I heard it.
Wait, why am I thinking about this? I need to find something to get me out of here. Or at least to tell me where I am. The grains of dirt keep slipping through my fingers. That is the only thing that I can physically grab. I keep scraping my fingers though. Some of these rocks are really sharp. My hands are almost numb now, mostly from the cold.
This is useless. I can’t see anything but black. My leg and my head hurts. Where the hell am I? Did I leave the orphanage? Wait, what if this is the orphanage? What if it collapsed? The kids, oh please, do not let this be the orphanage. I must have left. Dammit, why do I have to have amnesia now! I never forget anything.
I was with Natasha and she asked me if she could come with me and then I left. Right? Oh, I can’t remember! If this is the orphanage, then I hope the kids are all right. Maybe they got out? My head hurts; it won’t stop spinning and I think I’m going to be sick again. This can’t be happening.
What was that? Something just moved, I swear it. I can feel its eyes on me; I can hear it breathing, and... and laughing. Why is it laughing? It must find my situation funny I guess, the bastard. I wish I could see it, or anything at least. My eyes won’t adjust to the darkness. Another chuckle, only this time closer. I can feel my skin beginning to crawl.
“Who—who’s there?”
“An old friend.” Its voice, it makes me shiver. He sounds raspy like he hasn’t had a drink of water in days. It’s terrifying. He? Yes, it must be a he. His voice is deep like a man’s voice would be. What I would do not to hear that deathly voice again. It grates against my ears, like someone is scratching a chalkboard in the distance.
“What’s the matter, Mira? Cat got your tongue?” It’s laughing again. God, that sound is shaking.
“What do you want?” That laugh, it seems familiar, like I’ve heard it before.
“Nothing in particular.”
“Then why are you following me?” My leg hurts so badly. I wish I could just fall asleep and escape this pain. I can’t though, not with him here. What if he hurts me? He wants to, I know he does. I can feel it. Me? What about the kids? What if he hurt them? Please anything but that.
Why is he laughing again? Did I miss something? I want him to go away. He scares me. What does he want?
“Who says I’m following you?” Stop laughing, please, stop laughing.
“Go away. I don’t want you here.”
“Well, you’re just a rude young girl, aren’t you?”
“Tell me why then.” My voice won’t stop shaking. I want to be brave, but he scares me so much.
“No one ever knows why things happen, they just do. There is no real reason as to why I am here.”
“Then there is no reason for you to stay.”
“Oh, there is every reason for me to stay.” I have goose bumps. That damn laugh;
I just wish he would stop. Hold on, I have heard that laugh before. The first time I was rushed to the hospital. Oh, I’m so stupid! How could I not place it!
“What did you do to the orphanage?”
He’s laughing again. Oh no, he must have done something horrible. “Nothing. I would never take someone I didn’t need.”
Oh, thank god! I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something had happened. Natasha must be safe then. I must have left. I remember now! I did leave. Natasha didn’t want me to, but I needed to get home. Why did I need to be home? I didn’t have anything planned, did I? There was no reason for me to leave. I’m so lost and my head hurts too much when I try to remember.
Wait, take someone? What does he mean by that? I’m so scared and cold. My teeth won’t stop slamming together. Just leave me alone. What is happening? Why is he here? If it wasn’t the orphanage that he wanted, then why is he haunting me?
“Please, just go away.”
“You don’t really mean that.”
“Yes, I—I do.”
“No, you don’t. Want to know how I know that?”
What is he talking about? “How?”
“If I left, you would be here all alone. Stuck with no one to talk to. Now that would drive you completely insane.”
That laugh will drive me insane. “Stop laughing!”
“You’re being very mean to the only person that can help you.” Person? Is that what he is? I still can’t see anything. That voice is anything but human. My heart is in my throat and my breathing is pounding in my ears. My eyes sting from the dust that is floating around. What is that? There is something in my pocket.
“Help?” He wants to hurt me. “What kind of help?” What is this?
“The only kind that you can get.”
“Where am I?”
“Full of questions, aren’t you?” Again, with the laugh.
“Please, can you just tell me what’s going on?” I’m so lost. I wish I could see. My head is spinning, and I feel like I’m about to throw up. Wait, I know what this is. It’s the charm that Natasha made me. I can feel the strings woven together tightly. She was so good at making these things. I can still see the bright colours of it. The yellow and green and blue combined into a neat little pattern. Holding it makes me feel better. He can’t have it. Wait, why would he take it? That doesn’t make sense Mira.
“Your parents were right to call you Miracle.”
“What?”
“I’ve been trying to collect ever since you took your first breath. Somehow you always seem to beat me. Now, how has that happened, huh?”
“Collect, what do you mean?” He’s making no sense. I don’t get it. I’m so cold now; I want to go to sleep. I won’t let go of the charm. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel safe.
“You have survived everything I have thrown at you. Now that really makes you a miracle doesn’t it?”
I must lie down. Mira, you are lying down. How odd, I can’t even feel the ground beneath me anymore. My head won’t stop spinning. He is not helping either.
Wait, what did he just say? My head is so fuzzy I can’t seem to focus. I need to sleep. I need to—
“Ah!” My leg, it hurts. It’s like a blinding pain shooting through my body. I can feel it everywhere. There are hands on it. No wait, not hands, they feel like talons or... or bones. He’s hurting me. I don’t understand.
“You’re not allowed to go yet, Mira. We’re not done talking.”
“What do you want from me?
“I finally have you, Miracle. You’re mine now. Oh, the rich’s that I am going to get for your soul will be tremendous.” He’s laughing and his hands are tightening. God, it hurts. Please, make him stop.
“Please, tell me where I am! What’s going on?” That laugh again, it’s getting crazier, like the thought of my soul is making him high.
“You want to know where you are?”
“Yes.” That barely came out; his hands are digging deep into my skin.
“Well your grave of course.” Finally, he let go.
My what? “What are you talking about?” I’m so cold.
“Slowly, all your blood is leaving your body from the gash in your leg.”
“No, wait!” I want to go home.
“Your head is spinning and you’re growing colder by the second.”
“I don’t want to die, please!” Why is he doing this? I’m so scared.
“Your last breath is coming soon, and then your heart will stop.”
“Please, stop it!” He’s tormenting me. I don’t want to die. Why is he doing this? Why do I deserve this? I’m a good person. I haven’t done anything to deserve this.
“Finally, after seventeen years your perfect pure soul will be mine.”
“Why?” I’m so scared. I want to go home. I don’t want to hear that laugh again.
“A soul like yours is rare. Only happens once every few centuries. Just imagine what I can do with it. It was sickening to watch you grow up. All your good deeds teasing me, taunting me, but not anymore.”
“No... please.” I’m tired; I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. Wait, Natasha’s charm, where is it? It’s gone. He took it. Why did he take it? Natasha, I am so sorry.
Is it getting darker? No, it’s already pitch black. He stopped laughing. Finally, it is quiet, and I can sleep.
I’m so cold...