Look into the Unknown

All surrounding me was thick impenetrable blackness...

That which we don’t know we may fear. Be it a new boss, a new assignment, a new city, a new school, a new job, a new symptom, an unexpected call. One could even go so far as to say that distance just forward of the present moment could itself be the greatest unknown. What will happen?

There are people who fear the future, for the future carries with it the largest potential unknowns. Will your lover be home tonight? Or staying late to be with another? Man is surrounded largely by things he “doesn’t know”. This is not the same as those gripping “unknowns”.

You show up at the party of friends with your gift. That future is not largely an unknown. It’s more you “don’t know” how the night will go, but more than likely it will be ok, as that’s the way these parties are.

However, you show up at the party and there’s no one there you recognize. You even notice there is a man in the corner who keeps staring at you. In fact, he hasn’t taken his eyes off you since you stepped into the courtyard. Your one friend you can’t seem to find. The man starts toward you, reaching into his pocket, frowning and moving faster…

That is the “unknown” of which I speak.

Every day you report to a job. Everyday you’re greeted, or not, by people you are somewhat familiar with. A man goes through school or life and gets accustomed to a certain pattern. He knows the routes to work or school. He knows the usual people or type of people he sees. He’s set himself up with a remarkable series of “knowns” to combat his detest for the “unknown”.

Could it be those things which one identifies as “unknown” are simply areas he doesn’t in fact wish to look? What would prevent such a look?

The pretty girl finds a man of which she becomes familiar, never really looking, hoping to have something she indeed wants, but does not look at what she doesn’t want to see. The handsome bloke perhaps does the same. He sees the beautiful hair, the unforgettable smile, the warmth of her kiss and touch. But does he look? What might he see? Not from a past experience, but what might he see in the “now”?

Had he looked, he could have seen her insecurity. Her constant fidgeting and picking of her nails. Had she looked, she’d see his wandering eyes and insincere answers. Passing over “looking” as mistaken politeness and “each should be allowed their unknowns” they never stop and step back and look at one of the greatest leaps of life.

Now, as parents, they’re accustomed to not looking. How many times have we heard a child repeatedly calling to get a parents attention, only to be ignored or brushed aside like some pesky black fly? Did they look and see the future of all mankind standing there? Do they see the one who will be caring for them, or not, at their late hour in life? Do they look at the beauty of life itself?

Children are largely unknowns. “What do we do with him? Why is he behaving that way? Is he sick? Is he on the right path? Will he turn out alright? How do we handle him or her?” If there were a more solid path of “unknowns” it appears to have escaped mankind utterly. Certainly, childhood is strewn with a yellow brick road of the most curious unknowns.

But let’s not look at that. Let’s not look at the child and see what we see. Let’s just somehow muddle through, head down and weather this storm. They’ll grow, as all children do, and once adults, if we can get them that far, they can go off into some dismal future we hope will be better than our past.

Or perhaps we should look? What would be our unknowns, if we stopped and looked. Would the child really be the cause of misbehavior, or would be find we had our own hand in that fault? Would we find we took the time to get them to look and thus face some of their unknowns? Could we, in fact, live with ourselves if we stopped and chose to look?

Would we see the spouse we married for who they are or if we looked would there be an entirely different person standing there? What unknown would we now face?

Take heart in knowing where you have indeed looked, you no doubt made the right choice thereafter. This is easy to see, as without looking one would still be standing in the same unresolvable sea of confusion. When one looks, there is no fear, no muddle, no confused ideas.

If one found one’s life in such a state of confusion, to swim out, he would indeed have to be wiling to face the dreaded unknown and begin to raise his head and look.

"Why don’t I ever do anything right? What’s wrong with me? Why do things go wrong for me? Why am I like that? Why, why, why?" That for sure is not looking.

Look implies an outward direction. One can look in to reflect and compare perhaps, but if one is finding oneself in a wing-ding of a muddle, one can take heart in knowing the looking he needs to do is outward, not in.

Nothing is ever wrong with you yourself innately. The wrongness will always be in the environment. Once one looks there, the answers become very simple.

It’s not, “Why didn’t I choose the right man?” or “Why do I always pick losers to date?” the answer is in looking at the person you choose to date. Was there something about that person that didn’t seem right? Did you feel worse or feel less after speaking to them? Or did they bring you up?

Were you having to put yourself down to make conversation or be the butt of their jokes? What was actually said? What was meant? Or do we like to keep it all hidden from ourselves and revel in our unknown and pretend we don’t really know anything anyhow. Or did we simply want a game and getting ourselves in trouble with Mister or Miss Wrong was part of the contest?

Suffice to say, look is outward, not inward.

Does this mean criticism? Look and criticism are certainly far apart. For if one is being critical or viewing with a critical eye, it no doubt indicates one’s own experience one is unwilling to look at, and thus viewing the current scene clouded by some past unpleasant experience. In short, one isn’t looking as to what is, but as to what was, and even in that an incomplete view.

So let’s not accuse others of all the awful things we say we look at. If we are truly looking, we would see what is, is. We wouldn’t be criticizing what is as that does nothing. One can criticize the car for not running, but if one simply looked at the gas gauge and saw it empty, one would then have data with which to remedy the matter.

So with our couple, if she could see him for what he is, not for what she wants him to be, she may get a far more accurate picture. From there she could decide to keep him or reject his advances. To that degree, she’d have one less unknown in life. From there she could truly know him and love him for who he really is, not what she wanted him to be.

But, she would have to look at him, his actions, his life, to actually see what is there. If he always left his dorm or car a mess, do you think he’ll keep his bedroom or bath any neater?

If one, each day, isolated those areas where they knew they didn’t want to look, and began to look in them, no doubt they’d be surrounded in far fewer unknowns.

So what of the bigger questions. The origin of life? Death? Afterlife? Would these, too, be resolved by looking? I’m afraid they would. But perhaps, one could suggest, these areas are too steep for a first look. If one is sitting on infidelity, drug abuse, dishonesty, hidden acts and misdeeds, one would hardly find solace in looking at the origin of all mankind. One could start by looking for what one truly wants help with. These answers are there to be found, but one would have to look. Then, someday, when one has done a bit of looking into one’s own world and gotten some practice with it, solving one's own mysteries, one could then look into the larger more universal questions.

As one looks away the unknowns, one gains more ground of certainty, until one finally comes out on top- more stable and more able than they ever thought possible.

Your invitation to looking into the unknown has just begun.

Where should you look?

I looked, and the blackness faded…