crossing my t’s

there's dead ends in my hair

and probably in my future.

i wish i'd killed myself six months ago.

i wish i'd wished it sooner.

the things i regret

are the things that take my breath away.

every single day is getting harder.

i'd barter with the devil

but he doesn't listen to me either.

she says she really loves me but i really don't believe her.

what's there to love?

what's there to tolerate?

why write poetry you hate

why keep living when you're feeling so dead?

nothing kills me faster than the voices in my head

do you remember

when you slit the silence in the room

and spilled it all

because i remember the way my world started to fall apart

and how i tried to slash my veins but i didn't have the guts and how when i told you what i hadn't done you said i was just stuck in a rut and how the nights started getting longer the longer i was awake and how i stopped taking breaths because i wanted my chest to break

fuck who wants me in the world

and everyone who doesn't

i keep lying to myself saying i'm gonna do it

or maybe this time i wasn't

everything looks better with my eyes closed

do you remember

all the things you didn't say

because i remember

how still to this day i wonder what people would say at my funeral because i can't recall anyone who loves me

and if they do, i don't believe them

what's there to love?

there's only fear

goddamn it

i hate how i'm here