faulty memory

when i was younger, i used to have a toy.

it was a plastic computer, with a mouse that didn’t work

it was red along the edges, saturated grossly,

like most children’s toys.

i think it had green on the keys -

or was it yellow?

the colors have bled from the vault of my mind

like watercolors, washed out with time.

but the love is still there.

i adored that toy with every fiber of my being

but i don’t remember what it did.

the details are hazy

and i think i might be crazy because

was it ever there at all?

did i actually have a toy computer with a broken mouse

saturated in blues and purples like

one big bruise?

was the love ever there at all?

is it my mind who is the deceiver,

lying to me with every tripping flutter

of the pulse in my wrist

when i see anything

that has to do with

the word

miss?