Untitled Part I

"Up to this time in your life, what is your proudest moment?"

It's hard to think, when I know everyone else's answers around me will be materialistic.

Scoring the winning goal in that game when you were young.

Your first A+.

Getting into university.

Graduating university.

It's hard to relate when my answer holds no value to everyday life.

It's hard to find the voice to speak when I'm being overwhelmed by everyone else's life changing moments.

The proudest moment in my life is living.

The proudest moment in my life is when my suicide attempts failed.

The proudest moment in my life is when I finally found the voice I needed to speak up and ask for help.

When I found the strength to finally admit that I deserve help.

I deserve to live and to be alive, not just a shell that can breathe and eat like the rest of us but has no spirit.

So it's hard for me to answer to a crowd of people who have found life at such a young age.

Who have found there happy moment among a web of memories that I have forgotten because they hurt to much to relive.

I sit and wait for the space to quiet down, I sit and wait for my turn to pass over me and for people to forget that I haven't spoken.

For this time I keep my proudest moment to myself, not yet ready to admit that I never found life until almost a quarter of mine was over.