Callus
My love is empty
Or so I’ve been told
I have heard every cry and I feel the weight of every tear that’s shed due to my being
Maybe I like the pain, because in a sense, I believe I deserve it
Or do I deserve pain simply because I’m strong enough to bear it?
Im clever at saying the right words at the right time
And batting my lashes while throwing a smirk.
But if my pain could speak, I know what it’d say.
i dance between being over emotional and emotionless
And yet I crave connection.
I wish to love and to be loved
But it hurts so bad.
Heart break waltzes in my wake
And I yearn for the day I can wash the scars from my soul.
So I say it now, as repentance for my sins
I am addicted to the wrong things
And if I continue to chase what makes me feel alive, I will die alone
I’m afraid that if I wait long enough, I’ll realize that I made the wrong choice.
So that’s why I’m scared to hold your hand and let myself relax in your arms.
Because I figure one of us is going to come to that conclusion,
and although I carry it well, it doesn’t mean the pain isn’t heavy.
I regret the anguish I’ve caused and wonder
What do I do when I no longer find life beautiful?
When the chase ends and I’m left
A l o n e
When my bones ache for a gentle caress
but I cant remember how it felt.
Do I trust now and be wrong
or never experience the karma that cascades in my footsteps?
I’m sorry for being this hard to love.