Opposites Attract

.....Well, so you see, it all started because I just so happen to be an expert on horseshoe crabs, the seven deadly sins, small round shards of broken flatware or fine china, and numbering objects 1 through 500. So, obviously, the local church had called me in for a consultation on their stained glass windows, which had recently been shattered during a religiously-sponsored game of softball.

They asked me about the most cost-effective way to go about the repairs, but I was trying to kindly explain to them that (a) I was disinterested because their windows featured absolutely no horseshoe crabs, (b) I felt uncomfortable helping them due to the fact that I am an expert on sins, not virtues, (c) the small shards were not round, and they were technically glass, not flatware or fine china, and (d) there was definitely more than 500 objects to account for, and the repair would definitely be over $500, which made it all very much out of my wheelhouse. But the nun and pastor simply weren’t listening, pretending that my unique set of skills could somehow translate to stained glass window repair.

Everybody was anxious and yelling, and I kept looking at all the birds depicted on the stained glass and the shards on the floor, when it hit me like a wave. Really, the church-goers needed an expert on doves, the seven cardinal virtues, large sharp shards of broken glass, and numbering objects 500 and above, and it all made me think of you.

P.S. I miss you terribly, and I’m completely dysfunctional without you, but I hope you’re having a most beautiful day.