reminiscing over a past i can barely remember

january:

- spent the new year in a foreign country and watched the fireworks from our laptop in the hotel room. (i tried to think of the colours painting the sky, and not the taxidermy that lined the halls.)

february:

- fell in love. (we wrote each other poetry and sent prayers from either side of the globe. they say paris is the city of love, but for me, it was valencia.)

march:

- became closer with a friend. (she thought i hated her. i thought she was too extroverted to like me. now we're baking bread and shaking dirt in jars.)

april:

- felt sick on a day trip. (we didn't have any medicine, and there were no pharmacies around. we visited a fish pond and fed some ducks. a duck chased a toddler around for food and i laughed so hard i forgot i was sick.)

may:

- grieved for a fictional character's death. (there have been many who have died, but not like this. he deserved to live. our technicolour dreamcoat man.) (long may he reign.)

june:

- rectified a mistake. (i wish i could have done this one more.)

july:

- no longer felt safe in my own home. (having your house broken into changes you.)

august:

- remembered how beautiful the world is. (overhanging balconies, reclaimed land, fields of tulips, windmills covered in vines.)

september:

- went to a party and almost cried. (whoever knew that surrounded by so many people, you can feel so lonely?)

october:

- stayed in a five star hotel, had a brush with fame, and wrote stories about girls in pain. (it was beautiful. heaven on earth, if one could be built that way.)

november:

- finished a math exam early and drew stars on my hand until i felt bright enough to draw a sun. (the horizon rose to meet it. there's a metaphor in there somewhere.)

december:

- didn't feel festive. christmas left us behind this year in search of capital benefits. (look at the lights, smell the trees, but none of it seems real enough; it's trapped behind a glazed screen and i can't find the door.)

there's so much i can't remember. some parts are so full while others are so empty. i wonder if life is worth living when we can't even remember how we lived it.