Fate Loves The Fearless

I learned a lot of hard lessons in 2019. I learned a lot about love and heartache, heartbreak, sacrifice, and selfishness. I learned that my instincts are not as off as I wish they would be. I've been the fool, the freak, the monster, the destroyer, the resilent wall, the broken little girl. I've been hardy and I've been fragile. So without further ado, 2019.

January: I started out the year struggling. I was living with a man who belittled me, drained my savings, left me destroyed and hurt me beyond belief. I was jobless, without heat, physically unhealthy and falling apart.

March: I was fooled by kind eyes, people who helped me for selfish reasons. I stayed because it was easier than being alone.

April: I met someone that changed my perspective, made me happy. But it wasn't enough. Someone told me to 'kill myself,' so I actually tried. MY mistake. No one horrible being is worth your life. LESSON LEARNED

June: I moved out in the messiest way possible. Another lucky break with work. I actually was comfortable for a while. First time in a while that I had something good. I had to learn to live alone again.

July: A friend had tough luck and I let him move in. We became more. I loved him.

September: First birthday is 5 years that I did something good, happy memories. Something happened and we broke up, and we lost a miracle in the process.

October: Apartment fire. Bad luck again. I'm homeless and went to live with family. Lost my job because it was not a worthy commute. LESSON LEARNED

November: I had trouble finding another job. Depression.

January 2020: A new story, a new beginning

I lost a lot, I loved and laughed even more. Thank you 2019, best of luck 2020.

P.S.

2019 lists of firsts----

-being engaged, proposing first/questions later

-being robbed by a trusted friend

-having a normal 9 to 5

-surviving a house fire

-owning a car

-dancing in a club, and going home with a stranger

-learning to play guitar (even if very badly)

-being comfortable in my skin, being self-concious of my body

-dying my hair

-etc, etc, etc