A blank page.

This year started blank.

But i’m blank.

How can I write, and explain how I feel, when I don’t know how to come up with the words.

I miss my best friend, that has decided another friendship, is more important than mine,

My other best friend, she’s lost, the real her is lost in alcohol, her new man and an anxiety that I feel, I can’t help her, because my anxieties, are taking over me.

My fiancé, I lie next to, I love you, but sometimes we get so upside down, I don’t know which way is right and were in a fight that only we both can solve, we’re just struggling to see how the pieces fit.

I need a hit, I take one, maryjane, you keep me sane, but my mum, she doesn’t like how reliant i’ve become.

We started this year on a blank page, but the ink seems to have stained through from 19’.

I’m still lost, i’m stuck inbetween who I used to be and who i’ll be tomorrow, if I wake up.

And that is never promised, but what’s scary is, i’m not scared, because if this was to come to an end, i’m afraid that’s when i’ll feel peace,

And that’s when i’ll see all of you, staring at the first blank page.