A Reflection of Me

"You are hurt...and I don't want to hurt anymore." My reflection repeats my words backwards.

I want to fight but I'm tired.

I want to be someone to look up to.

I want the experiences.

I want the success and money that comes with it.

I want to be sitting pretty when I die but I don't know if I have the strength to make it that far.

I want to be a good friend and daughter but most of the time my doubt shadows my success to the point that it feels so far away I can't breathe.

I want to love and be loved in return for who I am not who people think I am.

I'm not even sure what the difference is between the two and I don't know if I can keep my head above the waves long enough to find out.

I'm running from me and I trip up everytime.

Just when I think I've got a handle on things she catches up and squeezes my energy out of me.

She is my failure, my mistakes, and my love.

I want this to be the moment I turn around and accept all of it as a part of what makes me me.

What makes me good at whatever I'm good at

but I'm afraid I'll sink under her weight.

I'm running from the time that goes by quicker than I can move.

I run from my stress and I haven't stopped in a while

Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted when I wake up.

I want to be great at what I do.

I want to help people.

I want to help myself.

I want to wake up.

I want me.

I want she to be me in my truest sense, both in one.

I want me.

I want to not want to fail because success means eventually I fall down.

I am nothing without me.

I need to slow down and breathe.

I need to close down the spaces in myself.

I need to be whole.

I need me.