The Sun that Died

Whenever I think of love...I think of the sun, warm and bright, a guiding light, I think of you. You’re my sun in the darkness that is my world. You’re the only one that I can show my true colours to. But why? Why do you still stay with me? I’m not normal, I’m a psycho, I’ve hurt you more than once, so why do you still love me? It’s all my fault... it’s all my fault that you fell in love with me, it’s all my fault that you’re hurt, it’s all my fault that you’re dead... I should never have gone to your gallery that day, I should never have looked at your pictures and felt loved for once, I should have stayed far away from you so you wouldn’t get hurt, so you could have a better life. I don’t deserve to be loved.

You keep saying that it’s not true, that it wasn’t my fault you fell in love with me, that it wasn’t my fault that I hurt you, that I do deserve to be loved...but I can’t help but feel that you’re lying. You tried to help me, I know that. You recommended me to a therapist, but when I went there, I knew I was beyond saving, so I never went there again. You still tried to heal me no matter what, even when I screamed at you, blinded you, used you, abandoned you and even caused your death... But up until the end, you stayed by my side and told me you loved me even though I was beyond hope. But how could you have loved such a horrible person like me? I remember convincing myself that I loved you, but I don’t think I truly loved and appreciated you until you were gone for good.

When I look at the sun, I feel myself tearing up, I remember you, I remember your warmth, your love... So maybe, if we could turn back time, if I had met you sooner or if we had never met, things would’ve turned out differently and you would still be alive. Maybe we could meet, meet again in heaven or our next lives and maybe we would be happy. So when I look at the sun, I remember all the things we've done and all the thing we'd wanted to do, and it made me think of you...