“I’m leaving my wife.”

“Mark, you’re gay and don’t have a wife,” Luke said.

“But I should!” I exclaimed. “So I can divorce her! Do you remember what I said when we graduated highschool?”

“I remember what I said after.”

“I said I would get married so I could get divorced.”

“And I said that you’re crazy.”

“But Luke!” I grabbed his shoulder and brought his face to mine, staring him dead in the eyes. “The furs! The shades! Tell me that being a divorced man rocking those isn’t everyone’s dream!”

“It isn’t everyone’s dream.”

I shoved him away. “Blah! What do you know, simple straight man?”

“I know you’re still crazy.”

“Ok, so maybe you know a little. But, you don’t know…” I flipped open my laptop. “My grand plan.”

“Do I want to know your grand plan?”

I pushed him onto the couch beside me. “Of course you do. Basically, I signed up for like forty online dating websites--because you know, they’re teeming with desperate women to get married.”

“I feel like this is some kind of like domestic entrapment.”

“Relax, I’m just getting a woman to marry me so I can divorce her as soon as possible.”

“Definitely feels like entrapment.”

I turned to him. “Do you know what entrapment is?”

“Not really.

I slammed my computer closed. “Welp, I’m off.”

“To get a venue?” Luke choked.

I laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I booked one last week. June 2nd, save the date. But no, I’m off to buy some snazzy ass fur and shades so I can walk into divorce court looking like the star I am.”

Already wearing my new shades, I dropped the rest of my furs on the cashier’s counter at the thrift store. “I’ll take all of these please.” I tapped my lenses. “And these.”

The cashier smirked at me. “What’s the special occasion,” he asked.

“I’m getting divorced.”

His smile dropped. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I never really loved her anyway. Also.” I pulled out an invitation from my pocket. “I need more guests for the wedding since it’s short notice. June 2nd, save the date.”

He stared blankly at the invitation. “You’re preparing to get divorced… to a woman you haven’t even married yet?”

“Don’t forget, I haven’t met her yet either.”

“Can I ask one question?”

“You just did.”

“Can I ask three questions?”

“Shoot.”

“Why?”

I wrapped one of the furs around me. “Why else? To be a hot divorced gay man rocking shades and furs.”

The cashier leaned over the counter. “What about a hot gay man rocking shades and furs in a loving relationship?”

“Huh?”

He smiled. “Instead of getting married, how about you go on a date with me? You can wear your furs during it.”

“I don’t know man, ‘divorced’ has a nice ring to it. Really completes the look.”

The cashier held out of a slip of paper. “What if I bribe you with this coupon?”

“How much is it for?”

“Fifty percent.”

“Deal. So when’s the date?”

“I’m thinking… June 2nd.”