acid reflux, or maybe catharsis

burn and scorch and Creep up my esophagus.

five more minutes until i eat you say and five more minutes you say again and again

and one more piece of Reduced Calorie gum

and then the pain slips into your throat and then into your mouth and burns ragged holes into your pink fleshy tongue

cough it up and spit ugly-frothy-clear-Pain

one more piece of gum and that’s one-quarter of the pack into your mouth. a girl told me gum makes your jaw fat and ignorance is bliss.

poke at your fat legs and fat stomach and fat everything and swallow down your fucking stomach acid that keeps spilling from your throat and onto the floor in front of you pooling on the tile soaking through your shirt dripping down the sides of your mouth

ugly pink ugly Reduced Calorie saliva

you’re pretty sometimes but really only when your vision is fuzzy around the edges and your fingers are tingling and you think you might actually be dying this time. but take a look in the mirror, you vain girl, and smile to see those ugly jutting ribs. you killed yourself twice over to get here and you’ll fucking do it again.

you’re in control, aren’t you? you’ve willingly brought yourself to this point and not considered the damage you’ve done. live in the fucking moment why don’t you?

vomit until you’re empty again because so help me god if you have gained weight tomorrow you will never eat again. sip some water and gag it right back up. wonder if Someone has poisoned your water with those dangerous Calories.

and don’t even think about how irrational that statement is,

because i’m NOT fucking stupid i just have bulimia. obsess and obsess and obsess.

irresponsible. an idiot to think you’d survive this. puke and puke and puke until your throat is bleeding and your eyes water and you can’t really hear over the static in your ears.

and eventually, just curl up on that nice cool tile floor in a puddle of your own bloody saliva. pink has always been your color, hasn’t it?

sleep there because you can’t be damned to haul yourself to bed,

wake up the next morning and wipe your eyes and maybe drink a little tea and pretend that you are Okay. if you pretend maybe it’ll come true.

you taste acid in the back of your mouth and retch. naive to think it would ever end.