goodbye, validation!

Hello, 2015 me. you were so childish, then. it was a confusing period of time where you struggled with the way you looked, hated the extra flesh on your cheeks, hated the way you never grew taller compared to your other friends. you hated how unattractive you looked; the tanned skin and the worrying complexion. with a smile, you silently worried about what people thought of your appearance.

It’s been a while, 2016 me. you became more confident then, but never as confident whenever you were compared to the people around you. your grades were not as bad but you envied people who had much, much more. you wished a boy liked you for your looks even though at that time you were yet to realize you were more than that. you hoped your appearance was enough to fit the standards of other people. you put up a front and pretended that you were confident with yourself, but the insecurities would come whispering once in a while, loud enough to yourself but sooner, loud enough for others to hear as well.

2017 me, you evolved into something unexpected. you did things that you regret now, all because you wanted to make yourself cooler. you wanted to do the same things your other friends did, have things your other friends had, said things you didn’t really mean because you wanted people to have a nice impression on you. you worry about the thoughts of strangers who barely even know you, you try to justify the things you’ve done without realizing that you were actually hurting yourself in the very end.

Dear 2018 me, how much you have changed. yet you still felt as if you lacked so much despite juggling tasks that were given to you. unnecessary thoughts clouded your head and you continuously create false accusations, dialogues repeatedly simulating in your head. you put the blame on other people while worrying not to taint your own name, but you never learn, do you?

It has not been long, 2019 me, but were you really stressed? or were you just faking it? did you really put in so much effort to achieve success in your exams? did you really live up to the expectations of other people around you; your family, your teachers, your school? did you really try hard enough, as hard as your other friends? was it all just an act? do you really deserve the shoes people put you in, now?

2020 me, you don’t need to feel as if you are not enough. you don’t need the reassurance, you don’t need the validation from people. you have bloomed, you have learnt many things and you have worked hard. you don’t have to be as slim as the models you wished you would look like, or as fair skinned you wished you would transform into. you don’t need to change your personality to fit in with society. you don’t need someone to tell you that you are enough, because you will learn to love yourself. you will learn that you are enough and appreciated even if nobody tells you so. you will love yourself as much as you love other people. so quickly; blow a kiss to say goodbye to your past selves, and break free from the chains of validation that binds you!