Dear Dipshit Depression,

We have been together for a long time. I can’t tell you how long because I’m not sure when you first arrived. I remember when you came to stay, but you had been hanging around the perimeter of my life since my first memories. I managed to ignore you until the day you moved in when I was eleven. The reason you were able to move in at that time is simply that I chose to leave my home. I only meant it to be temporary and tried coming back home a few times, but you completely filled up my house with your stuff I was never comfortable again. I lived with you at my house until your things became my stuff. I was forced to remove everything I collected and only have vague memories of a few of my most prized possession. Those I hid in a tiny hidden closet, so you were never able to destroy them. I would go to my wardrobe from time to time looking for “the me” you thought you shattered. I left my closet with just enough strength to survive your abuse, but I was never able to stand up to you.

You wanted my life so desperately, and there were a couple of times I almost handed me to you. Among my prized possessions was a formidable little slight of a person named Survivor. She never entirely defeated you, but she was strong enough to drag me away at the last minute. I would leave home again so I could be safe from your violence. Each time I fled Survivor found safe places for me to hide and regain my strength. The years of working with Survivor have been many and challenging. My tiny closet became filled with more prized possessions until one day, I could not fit in another item.

I noticed you became complacent to the point you ignored me. The only time you became aware of my presence were the times I tried to reason with you to clean out your clutter in my house. You became so enraged I had to leave or hide. I eventually realized my pleas for you to change fell on deaf ears, and it was up to me to begin to clean house. I had to find another room to continue to store my new possessions. From my tiny hidden closet, I found a space on the other side of the closet door. It wasn’t a large room but once I discarded the clutter, there was room enough for me to grow my life. With Survivor’s help, I learned to disguise the room. You never noticed my gradual infiltration.

Memories of your abuse overwhelmed. I fled my home to escape the pain until my friend talked me back home. I was a yoyo for years, but I claimed additional rooms for myself. Survivor and I found other friends. Slippery came. The three of us together learned to slip away anytime you got close. Soon, Runner came. Runner convinced me to take back more of my home. She taught me to outrun you when you caught me in a room with your stuff. Your space became smaller, and you became enraged more often. You bullied me more and I was compelled to leave home more... I was afraid for Survivor, Slippery and Runner and instructed them to stay hidden. I abandoned home to avoid the hurt.

Survivor, Slippery, and Runner found me in my exile to introduce me to a new friend. I did not desire another person to protect. My protestations fell on deaf ears. The day I met fighter was a pivotal point in my relationship with you. Fighter took control of my dire situation and instilled new energy into my life. I accomplished more than I had ever dared hope. As I recovered more rooms, you reacted with more anger and violence. My friends stayed right by my side even when I ran away, encouraged me to get back into my home and stand up to you. Fear reared his ugly head more often. I resisted my friends; I demanded they leave. I lashed out and yelled about how difficult and conflicted my life became after they arrived. In the past, I knew the safe places. I kept chaos away and you quiet. Now, I daily experienced something different and uncomfortable. I told them I was tired of fighting this war.

Alone, defeated, dejected, and abandoned. There was darkness all around, but it was quiet. I faded into nothingness until I felt the gentle touch of strong arms as I l was lifted from the cold dark pit called my life. So great was the warmth and comfort I did not think to resist. We were joined by my old familiar friends, Survivor, Slippery, Runner and Fighter. No one spoke but the warmth and strength of their presence were palpable. I became engulfed in it.

My surroundings became brighter, and I had clarity for the first time in a long time. My rescuer stopped as did my four friends. I looked into His eyes and the kindness and love electrified energy into my soul. To my dismay, He moved to put me on my own feet. I began to struggle but one more look into His empathetic eyes calmed me and I relaxed and let Him place me on my own feet.

I was surprised at how good it felt to stand on my own. The lead, the exhaustion, all the fight was gone, and I became exhilarated. Fear became a figment of a long-ago memory. I learned my new friend’s name, Overcomer. Overcomer began our conversation by re-introducing me to my four steadfast friends. He reminded me how faithful they had been, and no matter how far I ran, they continued to seek me out. I could not doubt their determination to keep me from being isolated and alone.

I wasn’t sure how to get you out of my house, but Overcomer showed me the way. I’ve always had the ability; I just didn’t realize I had the power. With Overcomer by my side and Survivor, Slider, Runner, and Fighter behind me, I demand you leave my home. You are not welcome anymore. Take everything you have and get the hell out. You can take the keys if you want but they won’t work. Overcomer has changed the locks on my door and injected a force field on my windows. You will never be able to sneak back into this place. You are not strong, and loud can’t hurt me. Go, gone, desist, and cease from my life!

@wabisabi.