I Tried To Cry
I tried to make myself cry. Why? I was happy ground level, not grave nor sky
I tried to cry, may seem strange to you, but it seemed like something I’d be able to do
After all I’ve bawled over big and small, I take molehills and they grow tall
So I reached down deep and I pulled them out, shouting all these things I’d forgotten about
I’m fat and lazy and made of flesh, and they all hate me though they won’t attest
And God is dead, and I will be soon, but not before my financial ruin
When these thoughts bubble up it means I’m in trouble. Exponential, each one doubles
But as I tried to bring myself down, there came no tears just a confused frown
For these things weren’t bullets and they sure weren’t bombs, these things were boring or simply wrong
And I realized with a start and I realized with a wince that I can argue but I’ll never convince
My mind that any of this isn’t real because real is not what they’re trying to be
My emotions are set, chemical, electrical, and I try to make reasons, poetic and logical
My thoughts don’t matter my thoughts don’t matter it’s all a thin skin and my thoughts don’t matter
Why am I crying? I can give you lies
I can give you my most earnest tries
To make my mind a computer, not an organ
Why am I crying? Because I’m on my period.