Freewrite (Deep Dive)

I’m always diving into the deep end of everything I do.

I get lost in the way that you look at me and I fall in love,

instantly. It never stops me from looking foolish;

something I try to avoid but never end up avoiding.

I wonder if that is how love likes it. If love likes when

you embarass yourself. If she sits above you in a cloud

of magic dust and giggles whenever you trip and accidentally

spill a cup on water or red wine on your brand new date.

That is something I would do and have done. Thankfully, I

never had to date… Not really anyways. The boys that I “loved”

were disconnected from me physically. They were boys on

the internet, boys who I thought I could love, boys who I

thought could take me away from the home where I was raised

as cattle for slaughter. Boys who had no idea that all I needed

was someone to talk to, not dirty talk… Just real talk… Until

I met you. I met you through a game where I could be a cat

and no one would care. I met you through a speech bubble.

I met you through words and that was what really did me in

I think. I met you before you could touch me, feel me, experience

my snoring. I met you and you were just a boy who had too

many emotions so you put them into music and I became

your biggest fan girl. I would listen to your covers on

a CD player. Full blast, headphones in. I didn’t share your music

with my friends because it felt special. I dove so deep that

I actually moved. I physically said goodbye to everything

I knew and I found my way to you. First time meeting, face to

face, your entire body was shaking and I think that was when

I really, truly knew… This boy… really loves me.

Freewrite…

ReBecca DeFazio

More Than a Flower