An Open Letter to Myself
Be kind
Be soft
Be nothing all
Let yourself stare at your wall long enough
You’ll be surprised what you’ll find
Within the cracks lies all of your sadness
They all tell you you’re worthless and no one will love you again
Its ok to believe them
Why would your walls lie?
After all
You feel it in your bones
You feel everything dragging you down
You feel like your drowning,
Who doesn’t?
You’re nothing special
Get over your sadness
Only the wall wants to hear your cries
It’s easy to become nothing at all
The love of your life taught you all of the methods
You smoke until you can’t breathe,
Starve until you can feel
It’s easy to wait until your hipbones are as deadly as knives
It goes without saying that you want to use them on yourself’
It goes without saying that you want to die
Who doesn’t?
Your impact on the world is not even enough to make you missed
You would fade into past obituaries
Do you want that?
Yes
Your heart doesn’t exist in your chest
You monster
Why can’t you feel anything?
You can’t write anymore because you’re not sad enough
And now you just don’t have any emotions to write about
The first thing you come up with is this self-deprecating poem
That’s fitting
You will spend the rest of your life hating yourself
You might as well write it down